stop your messin' around

Hi i'm Sophie and I do stupid things like get bitten by horses

and buy useless but mildly amusing things like this

i'm wide awake and i can see the perfect sky is torn.

i'm very naive, that's all i have to say right now.

I buried a bone 
and darling you don't know him
darling you don't know him
darling you don't know

and just where you are
might be the right place
might be that sweet space
but you don't know

well look me in the head
I've got nothing on my mind
I've been waiting for you 
all this time

and I'd seen a path turn to an old road
but the secret's too slow
and we're too fast

look me in the mouth
I've got nothing in my smile
I've been waiting for you
you're just my style

look me in the gut
I've got fear from my own name
I'd dig it up for you 
if you'd do the same

you should go home before your money's all gone

:) yeahhh so at this rate it looks like i'll be handing in my portfolio 24 hours late, i'll just have to deal with the 5% cut off my mark. I've always handed in everything else on time and been getting 2:1s so i'm not particularly anxious.

today i'm going to smoke and read Everything is Illuminated for the umpteemth time and write stuff. 

Things I have done today instead of writing the 3000 word portfolio that is due in on Wednesday:

1. Slept till 3pm
2. Had sex
3. Sat in Charlie's room with a load of people
4. Went to East Slope bar and had a roast
5. Sat in Charlie's room with a load of people
6. Sat in Charlie's room with a load of people
7. Sat in Charlie's room with a load of people
8. Went to shop with Alia, bought stuff
9. Cooked and ate stuff
10. Watched half an episode of Psychoville till Box of Broadcasts crashed
11. Smoked a cigarette

... oh dear.

somebody's got to be interested in how i feel just cause i'm here and i'm real

Things I have done today instead of writing the 3000 word portfolio that is due in on Wednesday:

1. Had sex
2. Bought bacon and beans
3. Cooked and ate bacon and beans
4. Sat outside talking with Triston, Butch, Doig and James
5. Smoked a cigarette
6. Facebooked
7. Went to the library and spent an hour finding and taking out books (so sort of productive yay)
8. Got back, realised none of the books are very relevant
9. Facebooked
10. Smoked a cigarette, went to Flat 40 and spoke to Emily, who says she has just woken up from a refreshing nap.
11. Came back, had a nap.
12. Woke up, facebooked and went on youtube
13. Walked to shop, bought pesto, cheese and a carton of Ribena
14. Cooked and ate pasta with pesto and cheese

I'm currently drinking my carton of Ribena and wondering what to do next. I might make a crown out of cardboard and officially crown myself the Queen of Procrastination.

shake, shake, shake senora!

1. I've decided to give up drinking as it makes me sick/ sleepy/ weepy and take drugs all the time instead - so apologies in advance if I die

2. I went to a MEXICAN themed party last night which involved a lot of chimichangas, ponchos, Harry Belafonte and tequila. It was very very fun yes it was, confirmed by the fact that when a security guard came to shut down the party he said that he didn't even get a complaint or phone call - they could just hear it from the security office at the other side of campus.

3. Doig was possibly the fucked i've ever seen him (on a combination of alcohol and other substances) and came out with THE best lines:

'Holly and Charlie are the same person; they just have different pictures on their heads'

(whispering to me) 'Don't say fourty... never say fourty...'

(to Triston) 'You are very, very spiderman'

(to me, pointing to my chest) 'Boob. You are... boob. You have one boob'

(to Edd) 'I am very in love with you' ... he then proceeded to push Edd against a wall and make noises which I can only describe as 'HURGH'



Go on, have a little boogie (you know you want to)

I saw this guy on Thursday night at Jam - my friend organised a night there and it was pretty fucking mental in a very good way. lots of electro swing and whisky and friends and drugs and dancing on the stage and getting thrown off the stage and knowing nearly everyone there and cigarettes on the beach after the club closed :)

I met him down by the bay, he said life is a stranger that won't go away. He took me by surprise and I felt for the first time what it's like to be alive. 


I met him down by the sea, he said I looked like someone he knew. I said 'I don't know anyone, so how could I possibly know you?'


I'm a soldier, but I don't know how to fight. I'm your best friend but I'm scared to see you tonight. I am the darkness but I want to be the light, oh how I want to be. Oh how I want to be. 

under the bridge downtown is where i drew some blood

You do not always know what I am feeling.

Last night in the warm spring air while I was

blazing my tirade against someone who doesn't interest

              me, it was love for you that set me

afire, 

and isn't it odd? for in rooms full of

strangers my most tender feelings

           writhe and

bear the fruit of my screaming. Put out your hand,

isn't there

an ashtray, suddenly, there? beside

the bed? And someone you love enters the room

and says wouldn't

you like the eggs a little

different today?

And when they arrive they are

just plain scrambled eggs and the warm weather

is holding.

For Grace, After a Party - Frank O'Hara.

^ I fucking love my course at the moment, for reasons such as this indescribably beautiful poem. 

In a few weeks I will get time to realise it's right before my eyes.

Brief update. I have NO money and so have been eating excessive amounts of noodles and sardines which is quite literally the only food I have left from the boxes of food my parents so lovingly gave me at the start of the year.

Triston and I are quite possibly the most broke couple I know; to the extent that not only are neither of us going out/ drinking/ buying anything desirable or necessary, but he's been working extra shifts all week, both of us have resorted to 'giving up' smoking (i.e. scrounging cigarettes and bits of tobacco from anyone sympathetic) and i've been wearing the same pair of tights for a week because I can't afford to do any laundry or get a bus into town and buy some... yum!

Aside from that, I'm having probably the most fun in my life that i'm ever going to have ever. The weather is nice, my course is suddenly surprisingly fun and engaging and there are always friendly people about :)