put a price on my soul...

I LOVE TINGS.
this is what i love most of all:
1) nice tings
2) happy tings
3) cool tings
4) funny tings
5) SUPER funny tings
6) SUPER SUPER funny tings

i'm sorry, i could go on for hours like this. i think the heat makes me a bit delirious (heh heh heh)... it may also be the fact that i've been playing on FARM FRENZY for the past two hours with it's CATCHY ELECTRONIC THEME TUNEEEE Playing repeatedly in the background; enough to drive anyone insane i tell you. INSANEEEEE!!!!

phew.

maybe one day you'll understand that i want nothing from you but to sweetly hold your hand.

i love:
1) Regina's new album
2) Regina in general
2) NOODLE SOUP!
3) the epic poem i wrote about michael jackson today (really)
4) pine green
5) acting like lady sovereign when i'm happy

i hate:
1) my twelve mosquito bites (that's right, i counted)

er. i LOVE this woman, but i may have already mentioned that.

sometimes i get so weird, i even freak myself out.

i like fiction more than true stories because it's more interesting, and i prefer opinion to fact because it's more meaningful. i like being outside straight after a thunderstorm and i don't like what fall out boy have become. i think that maybe everyone should be friendlier to everyone, and i also think that beer is disgusting. i love flirtatious banter and i hate overheated discussions. i both like and dislike mushy peas, Muse, floral patterns, my curly hair and Katy Eynon.











i know i said i loved you but i'm thinking i was wrong and i'm the first to admit that i'm still pretty young, and i never meant to hurt you when i wrote you 10 love songs.

i believe in miracles, and a miracle is happening tonight.

i did shed a tear, i'm not gonna lie.




so i'm quite hungover and i have a HUGE unexplained bruise on my leg, but other than that everything is cool beans :) i got home at like 6:30am this morning and didn't have my house keys; i walked down the the park, sat on the grass and watched the sun rise. cause i was so sleepy it felt quite surreal and like i was in a film or summat, twas nice.

mum talked more about her work and cried today, my dad's ill and he's been watching donald duck and laughing loads... i'm vaguely concerned but not really cos he's my pappa innit ;)











'We are never going into the woods again!'

hahahahahaha, i was SO convinced that a crazy cannibal was gonna scurry down a tree and eat me last night. but it didn't, HAPPY TIMES.

love is noise.

NOT A HAPPY BUNNY.
today:
1) anna went home early so school was distinctly average/dismal/uninteresting.
2) i had a driving lesson and almost killed mark and myself twice; the first time i braked so hard that a HUGE lorry almost went into the back of us, the second time i crashed into one of them kerbs in the middle of the road (on a major road) stalled, burst into tears and couldn't get the car started for the next five minutes.
3) i have to go to the opera with my parents on friday night; IT'S MY SISTER'S TURN but she's decided to go to thorpe park with her boyfriend instead.















hahahahahahahahahah i typed in 'sad face' in google and this is what came up... YEAH THIS IS ME RIGHT NOW D:
i'm blatantly going to get done for child pedophilia.


on the PLUS side, in Philosophy today i gave a presentation called The Story Of The Lunatic, which included a lot of my OWN artwork that looked like this:









everyone loved it, i could tell.

i recommend biting off more than you can chew to anyone (i certainly do)

everything's quite nice; my hair is behaving, last night was chillaxing.. kitty pierced my ears (2nd lobes) and they burn a bit but they're not manky or nowt.

talked to mumma a lot at lunch about her work and her crazy family and my gayness and it was okay except she cried a bit. i worry about her sometimes, but at the same time i think she'll be alright cause she's A LOT like me and i'm always alright in the end :)

my sweater's on backwards and inside out and you say 'how appropriate'.

I GOTS MY HAIR DID AND I NEVER GETS MY HAIR DONE EVER CAUSE I'M SO POOR AND YAY.
i look like a bit of an emo/emily hancock though =| but STILL, it's super soft and shiny innit.













All I Really Want - Alanis Morissette

You Learn - Alanis Morissette

Neopolitan Dreams - Lisa Mitchell

Richman - 3OH!3

there's so much i want to say, want to tell you just how good it feels when you look at me that way

hahahahahahhhahaaha, SOPHIESAVAGE.







so anyway, er today was nice. watched a creepy play, ate a delicious JUMBO SAUSAGE with laura, bunked off geography and watched The Rocky Horror Picture Show with my very seriously totally and completely straightish mother.

hahahahahhahaahahah (etc)

Laura(= says:
DIE DIE DIE IN A GUTTER FULL OF RATS
Laura(= says:
evil evil backstabbing whore twatface bitch of a cunt

Molly India says:
shes fat
Molly India says:
shes a whore
Molly India says:
she probs smells really bad
Molly India says:
SHE HAS A BUCKET VAGINA
Molly India says:
she looks like jabba the hut
Molly India says:
she fucks everyone up
Molly India says:
shes a massively selfish human fag of a bitch
Molly India says:
attention seeking little turd
Molly India says:
and her nose is weird

*Stephanie-Ellen* She's no saint, but she'll bring you to your knees... says:
she's getting doinked by a bloke, who is a total swamp donkey!

okay, i feel better now ;D

when there's nothing left to burn you have to set yourself on fire.

i'm in such a fucking melancholic/angry/couldn't give a shit mood. i hardly ever get like this but when i do it's fucking horrible; i should probably be writing this down in my diary but the computer's nearer and i can type fast.
it's just like my mum ACTUALLY couldn't give a fuck about anything to do with me anymore; i know she's going through shit at work and she's probably going to get fired soon, so maybe i'm just being a bit self obsessed and naive. it just seems fucking unfair, she complains that i don't tell her enough personal shit but then when i do she doesn't even have the fucking audacity to listen to what i'm trying to say.

i want to tell her all the things i've realised about myself like how i'm SUPER naive and how i automatically trust everybody i meet and how i'm not sure if it's a good thing or not, or how i've realised i must have been gay from a young age cause i always dressed up like Spiderman at nursery instead of Snow White or whatever and i had a crush on this teacher called Debbie and besides it's HER fucking fault cause she was the one who took me to all those Gay Prides in London and got me to wave those fucking little rainbow flags cause it looked cute or whatever.

i'm also angry at myself because why the fuck do i ALWAYS forget how manipulative/backstabbing/sadistic my ex girlfriend is? literally, i give her chance after fucking chance and all she does is make me feel like this.. and then SHE'S the one who somehow comes across as the victim. and i've been so fucking NICE to her, it's like i'm mother fucking teresa or summat and i swear i get fucking nothing in return EVER. so she bought me a rose on our 4 month anniversary and she made cupcakes and she gave me shivers when we kissed, big fucking deal, when we had a major argument i was the one who stayed up all night writing her some notebook on EVERYTHING i loved about her and then walked to fucking South Ascot in the rain to post it, and it's not like she'd even think of doing something like that and even if she did it wouldn't matter because she's a fucking liar so none of it would even MEAN anything.

and over the past few days i've been SO fucking polite and nice to her because i didn't want anything to flare up and i REALLY didn't want one of our massive, blown out of proportion spiteful arguments that we used to have all the time because there's no point; the reason we argued in the past was so that we'd know each other better and move on in our relationship or whatever but now we're not even together so it's just a whole load of heated, angry NOTHING. and she doesn't get that, she really doesn't, ALL the texts she's sent me have included snide remarks on how much HAPPIER she is now that she's not with me, and how much i fucking HURT her but how it's okay now cause her new boyfriend's fucking cock sorts it all out.

'thanks, i guess it's hard getting used to everything being so good for a change XP maybe is karma or something haha ^_^'

hahahaha, how fucking FUNNY; what an evil cunt.

(sorry, i swear a lot when i'm angry).

it's your birthday, drink your pee take off your shirt day.. (captain noodle saves the day)

sHAPPY BIRTHDAY CAT, YOU'RE 16 YAY YAY YAY etc etc etc etc.

so today i didn't go to school, instead i:
1) took my driving theory test and PASSED despite the fact i didn't understand what the secretary was telling me to do and had a really loud breathing lady next to me ;)
2) exchanged polite conversation with a group of indians at Staines station.
3) walked at least 4 and a half miles (literally, i worked it out).
4) felt immensely underdressed and tramp-like at Ascot station... twice.
5) had to walk for like a mile with Peter Wheatley and his super sexy friends, including a really chubby boy who kept trying to hug me (it was riveting).

i SWEAR my parents think i've left home. my dad's gone to Switzerland this morning for like 5 days and nobody even bothered telling me.. and my mumma's dancing some African dance at some community centre somewhere tonight; she just phoned.
mumma: hello darling, why are you at home?
me: er, because i live here?
mumma: oh, oh right yes.. well um, i'm out african dancing tonight so er, get yourself some food.
me: but mum, there's nothing in the house except wine and houmus...
mumma: okay sweetie bye!

hahahahaha i love my life sometimes (but really not).




nom?

encircle me, i need to be taken down.

passed my driving theory test, WA WA WEE WA ;D
i've decided not to go to school today.. who needs qualifications ANYWAY?

I LOVE THIS WOMAN MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF.

kimya dawson loves corn. not so much canned corn but corn on the cob, raw corn kernels in salads, popcorn, and popcorn flavored jelly bellies. mostly just yummy cobs though. sometimes when she gets home from tour her dad has boiled or bbq'd a dozen ears of corn and then put them in a bag in the fridge so kimya can just eat as much corn as she wants. usually she has 4 at a time. after she eats four corns she makes a big poo. sometimes she tells her mom about her poos. and they laff at what a big poo it was. sometimes she tries to show her brother, akida, her poo, but he doesn't want to see her poos ever. then they laff about her trying to make him look. then she sings a song for akida that is so long with a lot of words. and then he sings a song for her that is so short with a lot of words. his songs like to be about wrestling sometimes and he is her favorite songmaker. then she chases skyler (her nephew, he's almost 5) all around the house and they scream "where you going?!" at each other. then she plays word games like bespelled or scrabble rack attack on the computer all night long. sometimes in between there somewhere she will walk 3 miles with her bestest friend from forever, tina, and they will talk mad shit and maybe go get a couple decafs. because sometimes tina has trouble making a poo and a coffee helps her poos come out. but when kimya isn't at home doing these things she is going all around the world with her guitar singing some songs about why you should be glad about the stuff you have and how it's okay to be sad about stuff and people you lost. and how you should be weird and wonderful and proud to be you. and how she loves you and stuff. and then she will give you a hug. and it will feel like every ounce of her being is seeping into you. and that is because it is. she wants you to have it. she don't need nuthin but a smooth ride, and some corn.


me and kitty have hugged her, so we have OUNCES of her being inside us and that is very happy making tbh.

you won't be the death of me..

so i feel good about myself today, cause i was propa indifferent and strong and ALOOF towards my vaguely evil ex-girlfriend and i think it threw her off a bit :).
also 3OH!3 are playing Reading Festival yay, and also i had some pringles and also my hair looks nice.






yes pls pls pls!

it's not going to stop until you wise up.

TODAY:
1) We watched Amelie in French and i cried
2) Kitty sent me a link to www.givesmehope.com and i cried
3) I sang Follow Me by Uncle Kracker LOADS with Olivia Harris in Ethics and i laughed
4) i had the buffest driving lesson; i drove super well and my instructor was like =OOOOO and i laughed



also SHE'S back and i'm not sure what to do. she makes my heart beat so fast it's actually unreal.

sophie - everything is illuminated says:
i missed sophia in a way
sophie - everything is illuminated says:
'i had to change my instructor cause he was a heart attack with a comb over waiting to happen.'
Catriona is curled up in bed watching The Terminator. says:
hahah dont TALK to her
sophie - everything is illuminated says:
TOO LATE!
sophie - everything is illuminated says:
i told laura about sophia talking to me again, and anna overheard and now she's all like I'M RLY JEALOUS I WANT TO KISS YOU AND LOVE YOU UP ON THAT FLOOOR
Catriona is curled up in bed watching The Terminator. says:
why are you still talking to sophia?
Catriona is curled up in bed watching The Terminator. says:
sophie its a BAD IDE
Catriona is curled up in bed watching The Terminator. says:
A
sophie - everything is illuminated says:
you phoned ryan the other night...
Catriona is curled up in bed watching The Terminator. says:
yes but that was once and i realise that we cant even be friends let alone anything more and i also was very very drunk
sophie - everything is illuminated says:
bah.
sophie - everything is illuminated says:
but it's FINES cos she has a boyfriend anyway
Catriona is curled up in bed watching The Terminator. says:
whatever.
Catriona is curled up in bed watching The Terminator. says:
just be careful, sophie.
sophie - everything is illuminated says:
i'm always careful, ALWAYS
sophie - everything is illuminated says:
ish.
Catriona is curled up in bed watching The Terminator. says:
never
sophie - everything is illuminated says:
i love you?




je ne sais pas. help?

only because kitty's MAKING me... =/ (please don't feel the need to read it at all)

so basically last year dad bought me a huge book of STUDY CARDS from tescos... and being me, instead of revising with them i wrote lists and lists and lists of EVERYTHING; literally i don't really know the significance of half this stuff anymore, but ye ye :)



friends, kitty, being cool, tegan & sara, gumballs, laura, internet, blueberries, nail varnish, old diaries, ipod speakers, boobs, baths, kimya dawson, lemon sorbet, long phone calls, sunset, cassette players, moisturiser, postsecret, GHDs, texts, neopets, orange voicemail, eh eh eh eh eh, hugs, snow patrol, dark blue, june 12th, jelly, photos, filming things, piggy snorts, sophia, aimee, smoothies, abba, paracetemol, adams family, gnu song, girl interrupted, L word, gibbons, trackie bums, water, too fat to toddle, accents, winona ryder, chiquitita, flourescent things, caffeine pills, borat, impersonations, miss tooman (yum), highlighters, bop it extreme, conversation topics, mary poppins, scottish wigs, french andy, regina spektor, beautiful crystals, english, grass, who wants to be a millionaire, fall out boy figures, regina spektor, late night phone calls with kitty, myspace, anna and barcelona (oh dears), pie, eating chocolate, if you see me walking down the street..., ghost of coorperate future, pushing daisies, morocco, illusions disco, sundae glasses, MIIILK.. IN TEA?! sellotape, fannies (nom), like., sara from newcastle, mean girls, steph from farnborough, hanson, calm down i'm calling you to say..., reading festival, bracelets, headphones, SILENCE sign, i wanna be a hippy - technohead, Reading, whose line is it anyway?, xmas, cats, nice hair, ILY, shoelaces, duvets, 'hold the phone', letters, snazzy, teddies, saying 'sry bbz' to joe the caretaker, FAJITAS!, alex kirkham and his visits, keith lemon, pheobe from friends, colour, santa claus, maple candy, ultraviolet, kisses, justin timberlake (rly now?), carols, 'baby', soap & glory, screaming names, halloween, hymns, mrs cox, toast, ice cream, hippy bag, holding hands, masturbation, pink, felt tips, push your button, key stage 3, deodrant, group photos, sketching pencils, typing, carpets, hairspray, collide - howie day, fields, a million hours left to think of you and think of that, oakwood park, joe browns, london, stars, prom, sitcoms, french people, dykes, green eyes, 'my fanny farts too don't wozza', biro, hair mousse, zebras, 'you know you're as bad as he is!', collages, lovefool - the cardigans, nutty tart, singing, kelsey, percy pigs, all saints, andre derain, eyelashes, maidstone road, the hush sound, hangman, cloud day :(, original, venice, mangoes, the sims 2, mario, calendars, bright yellow, HMV, cds, hand prints, maroon 5, mascara, lakes, blondeness, pulp, mcfly, lists, lions, france, smiles, frost & snow, disney, winter, theme parks, dr pepper, converse, books, slides, aunty dibs, orange juice, fairs, uncle ian, shakeaways, candy floss, metallic, drums, superman, cake, blank canvas, itunes, cotton wool, boats, dutch, stickers, cheese, good charlotte, american idol, stripes, fridge magnets, dave?, parties, america???, 71 sheringham avenue, nice teeth, blink 182, harry potter, summer, babychams, badges, polos, vest tops, molly and her eyes, short hair, bedhead, toni & guy, ROFL, leopard print, starbust, neon green, pixies, jess smith (oh noez), time, romance, fuck off lover boy, levers, left-handedness, fairytales, bad boys go to tenerife, angels, red bull, mingy cunt, scrubs, 'nathan', fishy cunt, rainbows, dusk, verity, straws, mugs, ocean, the simpsons, super sweet 16, piggy banks, the pigeon detectives, AIMEE AIMEE AIMEE AIMEE, moldy peaches, globes, hands, green wig, 43things.com, room mates, miss cross, the wombats, the seaside, berets, 69, tiny dancer - elton john, juno, secrets, whey, emily, relentless, boiled eggs, cigarettes, fish and chips, alanis morissette, porn, snap, corpse bridge, ketchup, seagulls, costcutters, school, write the theme tune, london zoo, unicorns, lucozade, city and colour, almost famous, good foundation, circles, peking, bronya, other halves, elephants, eyeliner, little britain, necklaces, punk, where does the good go - tegan and sara, lyrics, tk maxx, msn, red nose day, tweezers, emotions, the 90's, dreams, louise rennison, jeans, stravaganza, chilli sauce,'we like to boogy on a wednesday night', whispers, love, noodles, alice in wonderland, oasis, birthdays, radox, parrots, my sister, 'i don't believe that anybody feels the way i do about you now', water fights, autumn leaves, roald dahl, rachel, tea, bagshot, socks, school jumper, wellies, hairclips, frankie, milk, brighton, space, handwriting, guitars, cookies, candles, fire alarms, 'lesbian? i thought she was a pisces!', mountains, enid blyton, lord of the rings, trains, road trips, mouthwash, cushions, good news, crying, enfield, ciara, E45 cream, garfield, cherries, scrapbooks, hope, sammi & her parties, laura's car, hi there, supermouse!, vending machines, lets get some shoes, scouting for girls, hayley williams, keira knightley, eyes, coke, supermarkets, orange, benches, black cats, i think we need to talk..., party bags, hoodies, flirting, PIVOT!, redial, magicians, dylan moran, sunshine, party rings, spur of the moment, nightmare before christmas, wishing stone, blur, bebo skins, you in a song - jason reeves, rhianne, hippy vans, sundaes, all night garage in burghfield, N block, peace sign, memory, salad, wrinkled noses, sacre bleu, my room, my hat, MTV, rhianne's house, hip hop, spooning MADE, tash from newcastle, noticeboards, cuddling for ages, 'lovely love', kleenex adverts, shipping, arctic monkeys, charisma & determination, dolphins, paris, alex parks, silver, cribs, house singing, cheesy films, aretha franklin, kiss house nation, all i really want - alanis morissette, buses, gardens, black, last day of school, hymns, sophia's hugs, stephs voice, luke picket, lily claridge ware, mmmbop, shooting stars, kate nash, big files, crying, melon head body butter, form photos, wooden slippery floors, rain, year 13 leavers assemblies, mr morris, no regrets, belts, eastenders, vampires, sky, new shoes, animal encyclopedia, community speeches, big gatherings, carly smithson, bras, walking to school, the Extra adverts, patrick stump, chicago, not giving a fuck, sheep, grey, charlie atkin, mrs heming, pasta, there's joose loose about this hoose, tiger bin, mobile - avril lavigne, ribbon, jason castro, arrow socks, barbeques, fridays, aslan in Narnia, slippers, noughts and crosses, miss vaugn-neil, nice conversations, fatboy slim, apples, octopus, and darling - tegan and sara, that's life! magazine, mornings, red pen, train seats, sleepovers with laura, when dad goes to squash, multicoloured, bum, hot pink, no more latin, spray paint, shells, vita et pax, miss vaugn-neils presents for youth alpha, pomegranate juice, orchard, minstrels, limewire, rise and shine, cheese on toast, confrontation, sitting on the floor, street corners, kitten tin, nose stud, you're so godamn young, layered dress, red, garage sales, rum night, hippy, novels, =), one month, bangles, squeaky clean, speeches, consequence of sounds, My Documents, lisps, end of school, mismatching, end of school, rudolph slippers, holding her hand, country house - blur, black books, iguanas.

everyone just.. pretend to be normal.

do you know what, i think maybe everyone should do things like this more often... like REALLY really :)

i think i need more music.
top 10 played songs, ever ever ever
1) The Ghost Of Cooperate Future - Regina Spektor (197 plays)
2) The Con - Tegan & Sara (146 plays)
3) California - Metro Station (106 plays)
4) Bruised - Jack's Mannequin (72 plays)
5) Built This Way - Samantha Ronson (72 plays)
6) And Darling - Tegan & Sara (70 plays)
7) Follow Me - Uncle Kracker (68 plays)
8) Momentum - The Hush Sound (64 plays)
9) Once More With Feeling - Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly. (60 plays)
10) Collide (Acoustic) - Howie Day (58 plays)

mmm.

It would be my pleasure to sit here and talk with you all day :)

feeling pretty mellow yellow, little bit sick from last night but otherwise it's all cool beansssssss :):):)
hahahahaha, i downloaded Follow Me by Uncle Kracker yesterday... i've listened to it 59 times so far, it's making me surprisingly at peace with everything.










'people are just people; they shouldn't make you nervous'






if i take French A2 level next year, almost a quarter of my WHOLE a-level will be based on a study of Amelie, so i'm REALLY tempted to do it :D












WANTS:
1) to know Amelie off by heart
2) BRIGHT blue hair
3) to be able to drive Jeff super super soon
4) an iguana, preferably named Mustafa (and preferably french looking)
5) a golden kitten, preferably named Aslan.

c

i want:

1) to not feel the need to cry ALL the time

2) to own lots of horror films

3) idk.

follow me.

i HATE being a lesbian, i'm not even kidding.

and if you want to leave, i can guarantee you won't find nobody else like me ;)

so last night was interesting. i hate being gay sometimes, i propa do. HOWEVER i've decided i do love uncle kracker, and also our new gardener who i met when i got home... i thought he was robbing us so i was like OI WTFFFF and he was like SORRY DARLING HAHAHAH I LIKE YOUR T-SHIRT!!! and he's really old and has like three teeth and he looks a bit like a pirate :)

i have to say the google image result for 'pirates' is very disappointing, i'm not going to lie. do do do, my parents are in hungary, my sister is moving her stuff to her new room in Newcross and Jana is somewhere doing something czech and cool beanzz.

i want:

1) to be able to write mellow yellow songs like uncle kracker can

2) the pirate gardener to be my new best friend

er yeah, i'm pretty cool with everything else right now :)

(secret on back of card) "I wish I had the courage to scream at the people in my life who feign compassion."

which one of you bitches wants to dance?!

at school, nobody' s in... starting to get a little paranoid that i'm not actually supposed to be in school today. =/

i guess the computers wouldn't be turned on if we weren't, blaiiii.













'you know, it's like the mafia... sending each other fish in the post'

i'm giong as bernard black to cat's party on friday, fun beansss :)

mumma started crying last night cos people are being mean to her at work and she thinks she's going to lose her job soon; i got upset a) because she was upset and b) because she felt the need to hide it from me.

i'm nearly 18 and i hate the way that my parents still feel the need to put on a front when i'm around. i know they want to protect me, but i can handle it.

you gotta say mmm :)

at school, in the study room. the only people here are doing a biology exam this afternoon so it's all a bit floooo.

1) Paper Aeroplane - Angus & Julia Stone

earlier Holly asked me to go to the village with her, oh dear. i'm wearing a skirt for the first time in ages and this morning katy eyenon said i look really pretty which made me feel a bit more nice.

la la la. i'm quite hungry; i'll probably go home at lunchtime.

2) Charmless Man - Blur

a kiss with a fist is better than none. i saw a picture of sophia the other day; i think she has got prettier, bah. i don't feel as heterosexual today, i feel more like me :) my hair's not that great today.