this all was only wishful thinking.

Things That Make Me Anxious

Beautiful women
Phone calls from strangers or people I don't know very well
Eating in front of strangers or people I don't know very well

Having to be in a certain place at a certain time, especially if it's somewhere I've never been before
Being late/ having to rush
Deadlines
Large crowds/ strangers
Lifts
Driving in places I haven't been before
Speaking in university seminars
Children


My Biggest Fears

Going blind
Losing a limb
Being trapped somewhere small with no means of escape, especially a submarine
Abandonment
Being boring/ ordinary/ nondescript
Death of loved ones
My own death
Going crazy
Not being able to travel as much as I want to because of money etc.
Beautiful women

Things That Turn Me On

Pointy teeth
Lesbians with those curly sideburns
Girls' legs in tights and converse
Piercings
Angular features
Introverts
Dark hair with light eyes
Skinny jeans
Men in shirts
Dreadlocks (on men and women)
Attractive laughs
Husky voices
Girls with 'dyke' hair
Collarbones
Boobs
Men dominating women during sex (but in a very specifically sexy way and not a rapey way)
People in authority e.g. teachers
French women
Mens' arms and hands
Womens' stomachs
Leather/motorbikes/tattoos etc.

On YouTube right now there's a 'Draw Your Life' tag which I was really tempted to do except I can't draw, I don't make YouTube videos and I don't have the motivation or patience. BUT it did inspire me to do a 'Write Your Life' thing on here which I'll start soon; I'll probably divide it up into sections to avoid me just rambling in a self-centered fashion for ages, but it will give me something fun and vaguely creative to do so yay.

i love you more than i did when you were mine

  So I'm back; initially created a new blog but then deleted it almost straight away because I realised I'm not quite ready to leave this one yet. I'll probably be more subdued than before, everything is a bit hollow right now. But today is very sunny and bright and I spent some of the weekend with friends and I'm feeling okay, so I thought I'd give this a shot again. I've been getting quite into drawing again; I've been getting a lot of social anxiety which has been making leaving the house and being in public places/ amongst strangers quite difficult, but having a bit of a creative outlet is helping a lot.