you used to kiss me, but it was just on the cheek

these are so achingly relevant.

Everyone is a fucking napoleon

Fucked off at pretty much everyone and everything UGHHHHHHHHH.

Except for Triston, he's still pretty fucking great.

Run like a race for family when you hear like you're alone
the rusty gears of morning
 and faceless busy phones
we gladly run in circles
but the shape we meant to make is gone

And love is a tired symphony
you hum when you're awake
and love is a crying baby
mama warned you not to shake
and love's the best sensation
hiding in the lion's mane

So i'll clear the road, the gravel
and the thornbush in your path
that burns a scented oil
that i'll drip into your bath
the water's there to warm you
and the earth is warmer when you laugh

And love is the scene i render
when you catch me wide awake
and love is the dream you enter
though i shake and shake and shake you
and love's the best endeavor
waiting in the lion's mane.

there is nothing you can do that I have not already done to myself

Portugal was great and fun and ALSO great fun :) Lots of sightseeing and walking about and taking pictures of views/ castles/ churches, but weirdly I think I've finally grown up enough to appreciate that sort of thing

which is nice.

At slow speed we all seem focused, in motion we seem wrong.

Things Which I Am Looking Forward To (vaguely in order of short, medium and long term although not really)


1. Seeing Caitlin tomorrow
2. Going to Portugal on Friday!
3. Going to France on the 19th
4. 2000 Trees festival
5. Shambala festival
6. Possible Amsterdam in August/ going away with Cat
7. Dying my hair
8. Having a house next year
9. Being able to share baths with Triston
10. Having a double bed, a garden and generally more space 
11. Cat going to university - she really, really needs a break and some fun times
12. Getting to study modules I actually want to/ have chosen next year
13. Going back to uni in a few weeks
14. Summer barbecues and beach trips
15. When mum retires and finally chills out (fingers crossed)
16. Mum and dad moving away somewhere nicer than Sunningshithill
17. My sister becoming a fully fledged dentist/ wife/ mother
18. Graduating!!
19. Writing my very first book/ getting a decent book published
20. BABIES.

errr I think I need to stop now before I get too excited... okay one more

21. NAMING MY BABIES - Mathilda, Oscar, Imogen, Theo, Nathan, etc etc.

all the memories of the pubs and the clubs and the drugs and the tubs we shared together - stay with me forever

Massively cheesy line coming up, but Monday was absolutely magical. I drove down to East Slope, Triston and I jumped into Jeff and drove off towards the coast with the windows down and Brand New blaring without any particular intention or place to get to.

We drove along the coast for around half an hour, past villages and white cliffs and the sunny sea to our right the whole time - came into a town called Newhaven which advertised a FORT as one of it's features, so we parked up and had a gander at a pretty cool World War II fort complete with huge gun emplacements and old storage compartments for, er, weapons and stuff. Climbed to the top of the nearest cliff, had a leisurely cigarette overlooking the sea and then set off on a proper lovely (if very windy) walk along the cliff tops.

Found Jeff again after a couple of hours and set off again towards the next town (Seaford) and found the best pub known to humanity! It was right in the middle of the countryside but you could still see the sea, with a huge beer garden, cheap food and lots of lovely ales for Triston :)

On the drive home we passed the village of Lewes which is really pretty and I would recommend to anyone - cobbled streets, old fashioned pubs and it's very own castle. Stopped off at a Tescos for pizza and booze, before coming home, watching films (The Prestige, The Mexican, Up) and getting beautifully tiddly.

Today and tomorrow I'm doing some really weird job where I have to go to a Tesco store (in Reading today and then Kent tomorrow) and ask to film people while they get interviewed about what improvements they want to see in that Tescos... I have a feeling it's not going to go so well, because a) not many people like to be filmed and b) they're there to shop. But hey, I wasn't going to pass up £8 an hour :)

you hollow out my hungry eyes.

A dear friend of mine just brought this band back into my life - yesssssssssssssss THANK YOU. I feel 14 and emo again, it's fucking ace.

Well I saw you with your hands above your head
Spinning around, trying not to look down
But you did, and you fell, hard on the ground
Then you stumbled around for a good ten minutes
And I said I'd never seen anyone look so dumb before
And you laughed and said I still know how to turn you on though

You're the only one who
Drags me kicking and screaming through fast dreams
You're the only one who
Knows exactly what I mean

And I probably forgot to tell you this
Like that time when I forgot to tell you about the scar
Remember how uncomfortable that made you feel?
See you're not what I expected
But you're the only one who knows how to handle me
And you're such a great kisser and I know that you agree

I hope you can forgive me for that time
When I put my hand between your legs
And said it was small
Cause its really not at all
I guess there's just a part of me that likes to bring you down
Just to keep you around
Cause the day that you realize how amazing you are
You're gonna leave me

You're the only one who
Holds my hair back when I'm drunk and get sick
You're the only one who
Knows exactly what I mean.

mysterious girl, i wanna get close to you ;)

Little perks of today:

1. seeing grown men choosing Mothers Day cards in Clinton's
2. bath with a Lush bubble bar
3. rediscovering an AMAZING CD in Jeff
4. getting to park in mum's office car park so I don't have to pay ridiculous Windsor parking fares
5. waking up to texts from Triston
6. breakfast in Starbucks
7. finding a lovely present for Alice

And theatre and dinner in China Town later :) good, good day.

Track listing on said AMAZING CD (it's one from my alphabet collection, hence all the songs beginning with M)

1. Mysterious Girl - Peter Andre
2. My Humps - Black Eyed Peas
3. My Favourite Game - The Cardigans
4. Music When The Lights Go Out - The Libertines
5. Music Is My Hot Hot Sex - CSS
6. Ms Jackson - Outkast
7. Mr Brightside - The Killers
8. Movies - Alien Ant Farm
9. Move Along - All American Rejects
10. Moose - Heathers
11. Monster Hospital - Metric
12. Monkey Wrench - Foo Fighters
13. Momentum - The Hush Sound
14. Mmmbop - Hanson
15. The Mixed Tape - Jack's Mannequin
16. Misery Business - Paramore
17. Milkshake - Kelis
18. Meddle - Little Boots
19. Margie - Heathers
20. Magic Position - Patrick Wolf

jizzzzzzz