What if I fall and hurt myself, would you know how to fix me?
What if I went and lost myself, would you know where to find me?
If I forgot who I am, would you please remind me
Oh, cause without you things go hazy.

Normally I find lyrics like this pretty cheesy and dull, but they're so achingly relevant when put in the right context of my recent unstable state of mind and Triston's comforting involvement that I can't even listen to this song all the way through without shedding a tear.

I could put my arm around every boy I see, but they'd only remind me of you.

so yeah it's kinda sad.

LEICESTER TOMORROW.

  

i love you too much to leave, don't like you enough to stay

So 2000 Trees was pretty bloody good; back in Ascot recovering before heading off to Leicester on Wednesday which i'm indescribably excited about!

you are the smell before rain, you are the blood in my veins.

Going to 2000 Trees festival tomorrow eeeeeeeee!! I'm suddenly very excited, mainly to see these guys but for the whole shenanigan in general:

i waste all my time just thinking of you.

I miss him so much.

So I dyed my hair red today, and it was possibly the most positive hair colouring experience I've ever had... as much as I love Cat and Katy and Sarah and my sister and anyone else who has ever dyed my hair, it was so much more comforting doing it myself and knowing exactly how much I was applying and where, etc. I bleached it first using peroxide creme (you can get ones with varying percentages of hydrogen peroxide in them, but the guy in Sally's said that any will do the job so I got the lowest one - so as not to completely destroy my hair - which was 6%) mixed with blue powdered bleach. I bleached my roots first but my whole head was still pretty uneven so I bleached my whole hair again, then dyed it with Live Colour XXL in Red passion. Resultssss:

sexy bag on my head after bleaching for the 1st time

result after first bleaching... bit patchy

after first bleaching

after second bleaching, WOW YELLOW!

after the whole bottle had been applied

yeahhhh so it was really messy...

Just after the dye had been rinsed out :) 

final result! well still a bit damp but y'know

they don't love you like I love you

So I definitely didn't spend £35 on hair products today...

2 packets of XXL Live red hair dye (red passion)
John Frieda shampoo and conditioner for red hair
1 litre of creme peroxide
1 sachet of powdered bleach
1 bottle of Osmo intensive deep repair hair treatment
1 sachet of ion reconstructor treatment

ahhh wish me luck! i've got the bleach on my roots as we speak... (only bleaching my roots because they're darker than the tips, and the tips are already pretty blonde)

home is when i'm alone with you

I think that one of the most significant things I learnt this year is that 'Torn' by Natalie Imbruglia is not an original; it's a cover by a band called Ednaswap - they were both released at roughly the same time and it was the Imbruglia version that became famous. I think it might be just because I've always been a massive fan of the song and assumed it was an original that it's BLOWN MY MIND.

Anyway, the original is better (in my opinion) - it has a lot more feeling.

when paper meets the ink, over thinking is the chink in my armour

Drove to Brighton pretty spur of the moment yesterday morning and it was the best decision EVER. Got to Jordann, Loxham and Pom's new house right next to Sainsburys which is where Triston is staying right now, had a cup of tea and a fag and a catch up. Then Triston and I walked into town where we bought some food, ciders and beers and sat on the beach where it was stupidly lovely weather. Later on Holly, Richie, Pike, Eric, Emily B and her boyfriend, Will and Christie joined us and it was so nice because I had no idea there were still that many people in Brighton. I went swimming in the sea in my underwear with Holly and it was SO liberating and lovely.

In the evening Triston and I stayed in with Loxham and Jordann and drank a lot and played video games, and then had quiet sneaky sex on the blow up mattress on their living room (shh Laura Ellis, I definitely NEVER mention sex in my blog!).

I won't be left dancing alone to songs from the past.

So I've been back in Ascot for two and a half days and I'm already ridiculously homesick for Brighton and Sussex campus and East Slope :(

Only two and a half months to go, oh yay. On the plus side I am going to loads of festivals and hopefully becoming an event steward which means I can go to even more festivals and stuff. But still, no drugs or sex or the beautiful beautiful town of Brighton or flat parties or sitting on the beach all day or spending hours talking with random groups of friends or sitting in Doig's room watching crap telly or smoking lots or getting messy and dancing the night away or strangers' house parties in town or... you get the idea.