i've come a long way since the essence up on east slope hill

Acts seen at Shambala (did the very sensible thing of jotting them down as I saw them in my phone this time, as I can hardly remember anything I saw last year due to my insatiable thirst for alcohol/narcotics):

Only Joe
The Resonators
Bison
The Boxettes
Beleruche
Billy Bragg
The Destroyers
Kakatsitsi
The Apples
Coda
Dizraeli and the Small Gods
Molotov Jukebox
Joe Driscoll
Shambala Beatbox Orchestra
The Twinkle Brothers
Vieux Farka Toure

I knew one song of Dizraeli's and had heard of Billy Bragg and Joe Driscoll but that's about it, but they were all amazing - this is what I love about Shambala, discovering new wonderful things :)

Today 21st

Flying from Toulouse to Gatwick, landing 5:45pm. My sister's picking me up and we're driving back to Brighton together, and I'll probably take her out for drinks or dinner or something. Triston's working until 10pm anyway so I'll have no real need or want to hang around Coldean.

Tomorrow 22nd

Go to the bank and cash cheque
Take out money for Shambala
Go to Aldi to buy cheap spirits
Go to Sainsbury's/ Asda for food, beer/ cider and mixers
Possible trip to Big House
Possible shopping for outfits for the 'Boogie Knights' costume theme
Pack for Shambala 

Thursday 23rd

Driving to Shambala with Alice, Triston and Charlie; pick David up on the way in Milton Keynes.

Friday -Sunday 24th-26th

Shambala!

Monday 27th

Drive back from Shambala; drop David back off in Milton Keynes, drop Alice off in Ascot and possibly pick up some stuff.

Tuesday 28th - Friday 31st

Pack up all my shit, email Rodger about getting deposit back, clear out stuff. Invite Cat round to assist with said clearing and packing up of stuff.

Saturday 1st

Move out of Coldean, move into Edburton Avenue!

Sunday 2nd

Settle in, sort out hob and dishwasher. Probably around this time I should also look into starting up work again at UK Transcription.

Monday 3rd -Sunday 9th

House sitting and looking after the cats in Ascot with Triston. Try and get more reading for next term done, but more likely (if the last time Triston and I were alone in Ascot is anything to go by) take advantage of the clean modern fancy kitchen to make lots of delicious food, watch huge amounts of crap telly and have a lot of sex.

Monday 10th - Thursday 20th

Get the rest of holiday reading done, start work again with UK Transcription, order the rest of the books I need for next term, buy/prepare all my stuff for uni, sort out mum's birthday.

Thursday 20th

Term starts


I like plans, plans are nice. Having had a week in the French countryside with little to do and few people to see, the next few weeks are very exciting.

And I'm clearing all the crap out of my room
Trying desperately to figure out what it is that makes me blue
And I wrote an epic letter to you, and it's 22 pages front and back but it's too good to be used
And I tried to be a girl who likes to be used
But I'm too good for that, there's a mind under this hat
And I called them all and told them I've got to move
Feel like running.

I'm in France and the weather has fluctuated between 30 and 40 degrees celsius since I've been here; it's muggy and clammy and full of mosquitoes but the heat is soothing and the mountains are beautiful, and I'm largely at peace.

we're all just waiting to die.

So the last couple of weeks have been interesting; my anxiety has blown through the roof and my general sadness is probably at its most dangerous. I got scarily sad a few days ago, as in vaguely contemplating finding the bridge near Coldean that runs over the A27... not jumping, but sitting on the railings and contemplating life until Triston came and found me. Instead I walked to campus in the hope of either finding this patch of bluebells in the woods that Triston and I visit every year and make me so ruddy happy, or at least finding the bench at the top of the hill behind campus and sitting there to contemplate. 

Anyway, I found neither of these things but got scared and panicky as it was dark and cold and raining but luckily Tristy phoned me because he had just got home and was panicking because I wasn't there. He came and found me and we swung on the swings on campus and then walked me home in the pouring rain, which despite my internal emotional trauma was really, really romantic. 

I don't know, it comes and goes in waves. Today I'm happy, and I guess that's all that matters for now.