I just want to know something today

Good things in my life

• I'm keeping on top of my university studies and actually enjoying them so far which is generally keeping me very happy; it took me a while to realise that my uni progress and attendance (or lack of it) contributes to my mood and sad phases more than I had ever imagined. 
• Things with Triston are lovely, it's our 2 year anniversary in 6 days. 
• I moved into a new house around 3 weeks ago (which I may or may not have mentioned on this blog), and it's honestly pretty much the only place I've ever truly felt at home. It's just got such a laid back, well humoured atmosphere and everybody is generous and warm and open - we even have big sit down family dinners that everyone contributes to and I'm a bit wine drunk and feel like I'll tear up typing this so I'll stop, but suffice to say I feel so safe and happy in this home.
• I'm pretty happy body conscious wise at the moment - it's a bit of an understatement to say that I have ups and downs regarding my self image and the way I feel about my weight, but right now I'm fairly confident and I've got some new clothes which helps. I don't feel beautiful (honestly I think women very rarely do), but I don't feel vile either. 

Bad things in my life

• I'm really pretty concerned for a very special person in my life and probably my favourite person in the whole world, and I wish them a healthy recovery from the depths of my heart. Baby, I'm here for you whenever you need me and whatever you need me for: just say the word. 
• I went home for my mother's birthday yesterday; the older we both get, the more I realise just how much I really dislike her. I love her and I'll always love her because I don't have much choice, but my god is she one of the most frustrating human beings I've ever known. A particularly delightful quote from the family lunch; "Now Sophie I don't want to sound anti-feminist, but in all honesty you're probably best off just marrying a rich man and spending your life popping out babies for him and spending his money." I'd like to point out here that my mother went to Cambridge university, has always been able to support herself and brings home more money than my dad does. So it's not a "This is my philosophy in life and you should follow it.", it's more a "You're useless at everything anyway, so why bother?" 
• My hair is falling out at an alarming rate. As a 20 year old relatively healthy female, I'm thinking I should probably go and see a doctor about this. My hair is probably about a quarter as thick as it was a few months ago; when it's wet in the shower, simply running my fingers through it causes huge masses to just slide out and I'm not going to lie, it's pretty god-damn terrifying. 
• General money issues, but I'm trying not to get too worked up about it because I don't want to become my mother. I basically can't afford my rent for the whole of this term unless I get a job; I still technically have some form of paid work with UK Transcription - but going by the ridiculous amount of reading I've been given already for uni, I'm not realistically going to be able to both succeed in my studies and have a part time job. It's something I need to think about, but for the moment not a huge concern. 

you are not the sun.

Decided to forsake my limited budget to go on a decadent shopping spree - something I haven't done in a long while, but I was so bored of all my clothes and really needed a little perk :)

New Look, £20, possibly can't make out the pattern but it's got little skulls all over it - looks really nice on, although I need to get a push up bra to wear with it otherwise it makes my chest look a bit frumpy.

 

And Primark's rubbish and hardly has anything on their website, but I also got a plain purple swishy skirt with a little black belt for £6, because the only two skirts I ever wear are flowery so I wanted something plain so I can wear more JAZZY tops and whatnot without looking mental. Then I got a white dress with multi-coloured flowers and butterflies on it; not something that would usually catch my eye but it really suited me on and it was reduced from £15 to a fiver, bargain!

Then I also bought six pairs of black tights because I always need new tights as I can't seem to wear a pair for more than two days without ripping them, and realised that I literally owned no tights that weren't ripped or had holes. Bought some coconut conditioner for £1.99 and dis for 3 squids...

 

 

 

... because my hair is quite literally a) falling out at an alarming rate every time I wash it and b) feels like straw 99% of the time. Ummmm I also bought a Subway for lunch and a peach cooler from Costa (serously, get one, they're incredible). So this amounts to, er, a lot of money, oops.

 

 



 

 



 



nobody likes you, everyone left you, they're all out without you having fun

Oh me, my fickle self and I. I'm house-sitting for my parents this week; been in Ascot since Sunday and Triston was with me until Thursday, when I decided that his presence was far too smothering and constraining for my delicate and introverted nature to handle so I sent him packing in a fit of selfish self-absorped fury.

Okay, bit of an exaggeration - in reality I just wanted to be on my own for a few days to see if the last two independent maturing years at university made me any less horrendously bad at being self-sufficient and coping at being alone for longer than an afternoon.

They didn't.

On the plus side I have two very affectionate cats, full reign over a Sky + telly and a fully equipped swishy kitchen to cook up some crazy treats in. On the down side... well, everything else.