I was born on Friday 29th November 1991 at Chase Farm Hospital in North London, all screaming kicking 6 and a half pounds of me. These are the things I know about my birth: because I had both jaundice and was REALLY FRIGGIN' COLD (it was November and I was born at 4:30am after the hospital heating had been switched off all night) I was a slightly green-ish colour, yum; I was very long and very thin (always an attractive look for a baby), and I spent the first few hours of my life in one of those incubators to warm up because of aforementioned freezing conditions.
I suppose I have two earliest memories, I'm not sure which came first but in both I must have been about 3 or 4 years old. The first was a time we got burgled; it was the middle of the night and two policemen walked into my bedroom. They asked me where mummy and daddy's room was, and I pointed upstairs. I remember feeling as if it was all a terrible nightmare at the time, but the next day feeling very proud that I had in some way 'helped to solve a crime'.
The second earliest memory I have was also at night. I should probably point out now that something which pretty much defined my early childhood is the fact that I could lucidly dream (i.e. have dreams where I knew I was dreaming and could control it in some way). These were often nightmares and often extremely vivid; it came to a point where I even taught myself tricks to wake myself up when in a nightmare. I still remember most of the nightmares I had as a young child, probably even more so than things that happened in reality (I might do another blog post about these dreams in more detail later). Anyway, so I used to get this recurring nightmare where I'd be chased by a huge wolf, usually in some woods. I'd realise I was dreaming and wake myself up, and find myself in my bed at home. The second I then realised something wasn't right, I see the wolf crouching in the corner of my bedroom. I scream, he pounces, I wake up.
It was after I'd had one of these dreams, and I must have been screaming whilst awake because my dad came into my bedroom to see what was wrong. He then proceeded to lie down next to me and hush me to sleep, and when I woke up the next morning he had fallen asleep there. My dad was never (and still isn't) the most affectionate of parents; I can count the number of times he's hugged me on one hand. He was also very strict when I was younger and I was very afraid of him, and so I think this has stuck with me because it's one of the only times I felt genuinely safe around my dad, and loved.
I only remember a few bits and pieces about my time at nursery school, and in retrospect they all pretty much point to me being very rebellious, jealous and sexually confused, so YAY HERE GOES.
1. My best friend was a boy called Antony; he had brown curly hair and always wore a dark green jumper, and I was very jealous of him because he was a boy and I was a girl.
2. My other best friend was a girl called Scarlett. She had very long hair and I was jealous of her because she had a plastic lion king play set. Once I went round her house and I stole the little plastic Scar lion, and then for months afterwards every time I heard a police siren I was convinced they were coming to get me for stealing it.
3. We used to have dress-up time once a week with a huge box of costumes to choose from, and my favourite by far was the Spiderman one. I remember even then feeling different from the other girls, because all the girls would choose princess dresses and it was the boys who chose superhero costumes. I've also just remembered how my parents would always try to make me wear dresses, and I once refused to go to a classmate's birthday party unless I was allowed to wear my old jeans and lion t-shirt.
4. We had a nursey teacher called Debbie and she was tall and thin and wore her hair in a very short boy cut. All the children (including me, I'm ashamed to say), used to giggle at her and always ask her if she was a man or a woman. But secretly I held a weird fascination with her; I used to think about her all the time and even named one of my teddy bears after her.
5. I used to be deliberately naughty right before tidy up time so that I'd get to sit in the naughty chair instead of having to tidy up hehehehehe.
So I think that's pretty much all I remember before starting primary school, other than my dreams/ nightmares which as I said, I'll probably write about in a separate post.
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