you give love a bad name.

things that I have learnt/ discovered at university that I wasn't expecting to learn/ discover:

1. a lot of people take A LOT of drugs
2. there are a lot of drugs about everywhere, if you know where to look
3. sex with men is nice
4. motivating yourself to do things you don't want to do (ie turning up to morning lectures/ seminars, reading stuff) is extraordinarily difficult without any parental/ authoritative figures who actually give a fuck or will punish you if you don't do it
5. A LOT of people take gap years/ spend three or four years at college
6. ergo, a lot of people are older than me and it feels a bit weird
7. a lot of people have really bad teeth compared to what i'm used to - i'm not sure if this is a class thing or what.
8. seagulls are the spawn of the devil. they eat your food, they wake you up in the middle of the night by tapping on your window/ making a hell of a noise, and their eyes are creepy. shudder.
9. a surprising amount of people can cook - although this might be a result of most of them being older/ wiser etc
10. lecturers are ridiculously boring 93% of the time. the 7% of the time when they're not boring is usually because they bear a resemblance to somebody famous or have an amusing accent.
11. I don't care as much about my appearance as I thought I did; I don't think i've worn make up since I arrived, I've been wearing pretty tramp-ish clothes and my hair is starting to naturally dread. yummmmm

um, yeah.

if the ecstacy's in, the wit is definitely out.

i knew i'd return to blogger eventually.



I read your letter
The one you left when you broke into my house
Retracing every step you made
And you said you meant it
And there's a piece of me in every single
Second of every single day
But if it's true then tell me how it got this way.

I visited Sussex today, it was empty but nice. Saw the flat i'm going to be moving into, had a nice (if wet) stroll down Brighton pier and dinner in the Harvester with Rosie and Sarah :) good day.

i've got a backbone stronger than yours.

I haven't written here for a long time, hello :).

I'm going to university in 16 days, i don't think i'm anywhere near old enough or responsible enough or mature enough for this sort of thing, not in the slightest. i'm also very worried that nobody will like me or that everybody will be skinny, ordinary and narrow minded - however i've heard that this is a common fear so hopefully it'll be okay. i just don't want to be stuck in a dorm/ on a course full of girls interested in diets and clubbing and Usher and hair products and waxing and sex. and i don't want to be stuck in a dorm/ on a course full of boys interested in clubbing and Usher and hair products and beer and sex.

what i DO want is people interested in ani difranco and horror films and late night frivolities and peep show and mash ups and bizarre coincidences and philosophical literature. you know, not to be to specific or anything. everything's a bit odd right now because i want to do things and start new things and change things... but i'm moving away in a bit so is there really any point to anything? and that makes me feel like i should be packing or reading what i'm meant to be reading or something, but i don't feel much like doing that either.

Life used to be lifelike, now it's more like showbiz. i wake up in the night and i don't know where the bathroom is; and i don't know what town i'm in or what sky i'm under and i wake up in the night and i don't have the will anymore to wonder. and everyone has a skeleton and a closet to keep it in and you're mine.

you know, taken out of context i must seem so strange

oh, i'm going to miss school. on the plus side i've done a surprisingly substantial amount of revison over the past week or so; i think i've finally realised that
a) this is the most important time of my life so far
b) if i'm going to get where i want i need to put in some serious elbow grease
c) it is highly unlikely that i'm going to get 3 As unless i produce the afore mentioned elbow grease
d) i really, really, really want to go to university in october.
well better late then never eh? i was in school from 9 until 6 today, and i plan to continue this until my exams are over :)