my heart's got a tricky valve that beats for nobody but you

I've decided to try and keep up this blog more regularly; I'm pretty much home for Christmas now and my creative outlet has waned somewhat since going to Uni. Wishlist maybe? I haven't done one in ages after all:

1. Triston in my bed for a long time
2. To be better so that I can get up and about and drive around and be merry again
3. Normal hair again (right now it looks about half the length it actually is, because it's all stuck up and matted and I have what looks suspiciously like a dread at the back)
4. A McChicken sandwich, chips and two pints of Coke - yes, two
5. My purse; I left it in Brighton so I can't do Christmas shopping or Internet shopping or go to the pub/ buy alcohol or cigarettes or do anything remotely fun
6. New clothes - two pairs of jeans and three dresses would be beautiful

um, that's about it really.

the sun will rise, even if you don't happen to be there.

i am feeling a) tired b) melancholy c) lonely d) anxious.

i am reading a) The Well Of Loneliness by Radclyffe Hall b) The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks c) The Tempest by William Shakespeare d) L'etranger by Albert Camus.

i am listening to: a) The Start Of Something by Voxtrot b) Dorchester Hotel by The Sounds c) Dull Life by Yeah Yeah Yeahs d) Night Of The Living Dead by Tilly & The Wall.

i want a) a HUGE change b) more people around me c) a more carefree outlook on everything d) a pretty specific kind of girl.


i don't want a) to get my results on Thursday b) my hair to get any wilder c) to feel this low all the time d) things to stay the same.

they say it's puppy love; we say it's full grown.

'You need not to find a cure for everything that makes you weak. You need not to reach for the stars when life becomes so dark and when the wind does blow against the grain, you must follow your heart.'

so today's been okay; i went to the seaside with my parents and we listened to pink floyd in the car on the way there, and we put down flowers for my grand-parents in the cemetery in Melplash. i always get really upset when i see graves that obviously haven't been visited in a long time, so i usually end up clearing the grass and dirt and dust off strangers' graves... it makes me feel peaceful :)

'where would we be without our painful childhoods?'

i got into a really bad mood last night, one of the worst moods i've had in ages. i snapped at kitty a little bit but i didn't mean to and i'm not sure what got into me, i guess maybe i just needed a bit of a ARGHH.

''can't repeat the past?' he cried incredulously. 'why of course you can!'

i had to study The Great Gatsby for my English AS that i did on wednesday; i only really got into the book a couple of nights before the exam, i had sort of disregarded it before then and i wish i hadn't.

i want:

1. darker hair

2. a chin piercing

3. intensive conditioner that smells like papaya

4. to stop being so schizo

5. a BIG ipod

6. to know everything about everything

7. more time.

'some places are like people: some shine and some don't.'

i watched The Shining for the first time the other day; i got really excited cause i didn't realise that's what the 30 Seconds To Mars music video for The Kill was based on, and i found it quite clever and cool.

i would offer you my pulse if i thought it would be useful.

i want:

1. my cough/sore throat/bruised rib to miraculously disappear


2. warmer hands


3. to meet ani difranco


4. a chin piercing


5. smaller hips


6. to be a bit crazy in a quirky way and not a really worrying way


7. to able to sing exactly like regina spektor


8. to pass my driving test super soon so i can drive around and listen to nice music and feel more at peace with life


9. to look a bit like a tiger


10. a girlfriend with charisma and determination and a nice smell


11. to stop being so god damn immature


12. something vaguely exciting to happen


13. a big tub of something yummy


14. to be more motivated


15. to be able to talk to my mum and sister about personal stuff more without cringeing - they know i'm gay, but does that give me permission to say COR LOOK AT THOSE TITS in front of them when we're watching a pretty lady on television? =/ tough call.


16. to be 16 again


17. to know everything about everything, but in a modest kinda way

there we go, one want for every year of my life :)