you give love a bad name.

things that I have learnt/ discovered at university that I wasn't expecting to learn/ discover:

1. a lot of people take A LOT of drugs
2. there are a lot of drugs about everywhere, if you know where to look
3. sex with men is nice
4. motivating yourself to do things you don't want to do (ie turning up to morning lectures/ seminars, reading stuff) is extraordinarily difficult without any parental/ authoritative figures who actually give a fuck or will punish you if you don't do it
5. A LOT of people take gap years/ spend three or four years at college
6. ergo, a lot of people are older than me and it feels a bit weird
7. a lot of people have really bad teeth compared to what i'm used to - i'm not sure if this is a class thing or what.
8. seagulls are the spawn of the devil. they eat your food, they wake you up in the middle of the night by tapping on your window/ making a hell of a noise, and their eyes are creepy. shudder.
9. a surprising amount of people can cook - although this might be a result of most of them being older/ wiser etc
10. lecturers are ridiculously boring 93% of the time. the 7% of the time when they're not boring is usually because they bear a resemblance to somebody famous or have an amusing accent.
11. I don't care as much about my appearance as I thought I did; I don't think i've worn make up since I arrived, I've been wearing pretty tramp-ish clothes and my hair is starting to naturally dread. yummmmm

um, yeah.

will you be me?

I wonder if you've ever seen
the way the man in the lookout house looks at me
before he takes out his teeth and asks me to sign the wall
and i sign his wall with a heel of bread
dipped in green listerine
and then i kiss him on the head
and leave through the door in the floor
as he starts to fall down dead

i've got a pocket full of quarters and i'm headed for the woods
i'm gonna play miss pac man in a puddle of mud
i'm not gonna lose my shoes unless i start to cry
and the man in the moon said i'm not left handed
and he did a swan dive to the promise land
while you were lost in my bob hope diamond eyes

will you be me? will you be me?
wear my clothes, drink my coffee,
write my mommy, do my homework,
feed my babies, fight my crazies

the ground started bouncing so i jumped up trying
to feel like an angel flying
watch out for the power lines
unless you wanna die

but if you think you need some lovin'... that's fine

when i see you i know that i'm tempting fate

i might be getting a tattoo on wednesday. :)

i wanna live like common people

i like life right now; it's tense but in a good way.




Music that I grew up with:
1. Oasis
2. Pulp
3. Blur
4. The Prodigy
5. The Backstreet Boys (lol)
6. Natalie Imbruglia
7. A very young J. Lo
8. Republica
9. Pink Floyd
10. Texas
11. David Bowie

plus various dance, house and techno stuff which is what my sister and mum were into... but mainly Oasis, Pulp and Blur - all of whom I still propa love :)

please don't say we're done when i'm not finished

I like lists. I keep lists of things that I want, lists of people i like and places i've been, and things i need to do and things i don't need to do, and things i wish i had done and things i wish i had never done.
I bought a perfect notebook recently; it has 'Let there be Lists' written on the front and 'make lists not war' written on the back and on the inside cover i've written the lyrics to 'My Year In Lists' by Los Campesinos! because it always gets in my head whenever i write lists.

Today i made four lists; a list of all the horror films i own on DVD, a list of all the things i need for university, a list of the all the things i need to buy/ order for university, and a list of all the Barry M nail varnishes i own. The last one is possibly the most worrying...
1. Lemon ice cream
2. Mint green
3. Bright purple
4. Block orange
5. Acid yellow
6. Coral
7. Cyan blue
8. Grey
9. Navy
10. Cobalt blue
11. Spring green (x2, cause they made a newer version of it and i have both)
12. Raspberry
13. Bright red
14. Shocking pink
15. Yellow
16. Lime green
17. Tangerine
18. Black x2

um.

if the ecstacy's in, the wit is definitely out.

i knew i'd return to blogger eventually.



I read your letter
The one you left when you broke into my house
Retracing every step you made
And you said you meant it
And there's a piece of me in every single
Second of every single day
But if it's true then tell me how it got this way.

I visited Sussex today, it was empty but nice. Saw the flat i'm going to be moving into, had a nice (if wet) stroll down Brighton pier and dinner in the Harvester with Rosie and Sarah :) good day.

i've got a backbone stronger than yours.

I haven't written here for a long time, hello :).

I'm going to university in 16 days, i don't think i'm anywhere near old enough or responsible enough or mature enough for this sort of thing, not in the slightest. i'm also very worried that nobody will like me or that everybody will be skinny, ordinary and narrow minded - however i've heard that this is a common fear so hopefully it'll be okay. i just don't want to be stuck in a dorm/ on a course full of girls interested in diets and clubbing and Usher and hair products and waxing and sex. and i don't want to be stuck in a dorm/ on a course full of boys interested in clubbing and Usher and hair products and beer and sex.

what i DO want is people interested in ani difranco and horror films and late night frivolities and peep show and mash ups and bizarre coincidences and philosophical literature. you know, not to be to specific or anything. everything's a bit odd right now because i want to do things and start new things and change things... but i'm moving away in a bit so is there really any point to anything? and that makes me feel like i should be packing or reading what i'm meant to be reading or something, but i don't feel much like doing that either.

Life used to be lifelike, now it's more like showbiz. i wake up in the night and i don't know where the bathroom is; and i don't know what town i'm in or what sky i'm under and i wake up in the night and i don't have the will anymore to wonder. and everyone has a skeleton and a closet to keep it in and you're mine.

Go ahead, Go ahead and smash it on the floor. Take whatevers left and take it with you out the door. See if I cry, see if I shed a single sorry tear; I can't say that it's been that great - no, in fact it's been a wasted worried year. Everybody sees and everyone agrees that you and I are wrong, and it's been that way too long. Take it as it comes and be thankful when it's done; there's so many ways to act and there's so many shades of black. Let it all out, let it all out. Say what's on your mind; you can kick and scream and shout and say things that are so unkind. Yeah, see if i care. And see if I stand firm or if i fall, cause in the back of my mind and on the tip of my tongue is the answer to it all.

If you hate the taste of wine
Why do you drink it till you're blind?
And if you swear that there's no truth and who cares
How come you say it like you're right?
Why are you scared to dream of God
When it's salvation that you want?
You see stars that clear have been dead for years
But the idea just lives on...

In our wheels that roll around
As we move over the ground
And all day it seems we've been in between
A past and future town

We are nowhere and it's now
We are nowhere and it's now

And like a ten minute dream in the passenger's seat
While the world was flying by
I haven't been gone very long
But it feels like a lifetime

I've been sleeping so strange at night
Side effects they don't advertise
I've been sleeping so strange
With a head full of pesticide

I've got no plans and too much time
I feel too restless to unwind
I'm always lost in thought as I walk a block
To my favorite neon sign

Where the waitress looks concerned
But she never says a word
Just turns the jukebox on and we hum along
And I smile back at her

And my friend comes after work
When the features start to blur
She says these bars are filled with things that kill
By now you probably should have learned

Did you forget that yellow bird?
But how could you forget your yellow bird?
She took a small silver wreath and pinned it onto me
She said this one will bring you love
And I don't know if it's true
But I keep it for good luck

Everything's okay; only a week and a day until i'm FREE to have possibly the best summer, ever. i'm ridiculously excited :D

oh what you do to me, no one knows.

a few of my favourite films. yeah i'm aware the spacing is dodgy, but i'm too tired to fiddle around.

This is the beat that my heart skipped when we first met
Now that I`ve heard it, it leaves me with a kind of regret
No disrespect but we left a lot of people upset
And what we had wasn`t really what we`d come to expect.

so i have a tumblr account now which i'm already falling in love with. i feel like i'm slightly betraying blogger but not really.

http://reginakelsey.tumblr.com/

i am cold, unfeeling and odd.

It'd be easy to sit here and wallow in hell
Or I could suck it up, get over myself
You see, all hearts are broken
It's no big deal, I've been hurt
But I'm sure you all know how that feels
We all go through it
So why do we do it again?
Is it even worth the awkward anger of trying to be friends?

This year will swallow me whole, it's taking its toll
Queen of horses mad with power, heads will roll
So tenderly you bleed me dry
And I, I collapse to the floor

I've been feeling surprisingly lonely these days
I guess substitutes have an aftertaste
And I hate you for making me feel I could easily be replaced

They say that the coffin can't confine the soul
I'm burying secrets you should've told
This is only a goal you want to achieve so you can be alone

So if I agree, I'm not trying to be mean
It's just cold hard facts
Spare me your sugar coats
Well I could've kept you warmer than that.

shit?

so i managed to use SCHADENFREUDE in my English A level exam the other day, my life is complete. on the other hand this now means i only have Geography left; i sat down earlier to revise and ended up crying for 20 minutes over the geopolitical tensions between Russia and the Ukraine over a gas pipeline. I kid you not.

yay:
1. Darwin Deez is playing at Reading
2. ADAM GREEN IS PLAYING AGAIN AT READING... seeing him in 2008 was one of the best moments of my life, ever.
3. Freelance Whales are playing at Reading
4. Yuck are playing at Reading
5. The Cheek (Cheeky Cheeky & The Nosebleeds) are playing at Reading
6. I had some chicken earlier
7. The weather was nice today
8. I have finished both Philosophy & Ethics and English A levels
9. In approximately two weeks I will be free of schooling, forever (except for potential gap yah and retakes but we don't mention this).

nay:
1. I have two Geography A2 exams within the space of two weeks, which are possibly the hardest things i've ever had to do in my life
2. I think i'm putting on weight
3. I've broken out in a delicious combination of stress acne and red dry patches of skin
4. It's Ascot week - the worst week of the year when you live in the area, srsly.
5. I'm craving Cat
6. I'm craving A cat, we haven't got another one yet and i need some pussy lovin' (eh)
7. my hair is neglected

i am frantically flailing, woozy inhaling these fumes that won't put me to sleep.

I like words.

1. flail - to move vigorously or erratically, to thrash about.
2. sporadic - recurring in scattered and irregular or unpredictable instances
3. prelapsarian - relating to the time before the Fall of Adam and Eve
4. antagonism - a state of deep seated ill will.

and my personal favourite

5. SCHADENFREUDE - enjoying the misery of others, taking delight in the misfortune of others.

cause i'm not good at saying things, especially to you

Plans for the summer:
1. Get a job
2. Go and stay in a caravan somewhere lovely with Cat and her lovely jubbly friends
3. Go to at least one Gay Pride (preferably London or Brighton)
4. Go to London Zoo
5. Make approximately five/six bottles of skittles vodka with Sophia (one for every flavour)
6. Write a song with Katy and record a music video a la Julia Nunes 'Maybe I Will'
7. Dye my hair a ridiculous colour
8. Get another piercing
9. Buy more clothes/ shoes (serious, i don't have enough).
10. Sort out stuff/ pack for uni (ahh!)
11. Go to a strip club
12. Go to Camden numerous times
13. Go to Mandela Court with Sophia ;D aha
14. Blow shit up.
15. Go to Reading festival, see a shitload of bands and maintain a state of being fucked for the whole three days.

Well the way you pull the fuzzys from my sweater
doesn't make up for the times you let me sink into the floor
and the lies you told to make me feel all better
they didn't work so please don't tell me anymore

I'm waking up to see the sun
it's a light that lets me know a new day's begun
and I can leave behind the terrors of my unconscious mind
into the sunshine

tell me this, why do you run away
just when I decided to say something true for once
you should try it, just say what you mean
cause I can't read the lines let alone in between

and I know my mellow tone can be misleading
but I've just put my anger to good use
you see I've given up on begging and pleading
every scratch on this guitar is because of you.

32's still a godamn number, 32 still counts.

so despite parking in space number 32 at school and getting 32 pence change at the supermarket AND drinking a red bull which has 32mg of caffeine per 100ml, yesterday was shit.
yeah, revising from 9am to 6pm three days in a row can't be healthy for any human being. so today, despite the fact that my exam is TOMORROW, i'm gonna chill out a bit.

and this deserves a post all of it's own

some people think i'm bonkers, but i just think i'm free

a few more of the frivolities; as much as i complained about it, i godamn loved that school and i think we made a cracking exit :D