i want to break free.

last night i stayed up late drinking exotic juice, playing neopets and listening to queen. it was invigorating. today i've tidied and planned, and i feel refreshed but slightly anxious and i'm not entirely sure why.

she's got a smile that it seems to me reminds me of childhood memories.

so i've got an interview at Cambridge, WHAT ARE THEY THINKING HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA but also kinda wahey :)









i also have offers from Sussex and Brighton, so things are pretty good on the whole uni front. in other news, not much is happening. i have actual CRAZY amounts of work pretty much constantly so that's kinda preoccupying me to the point of insanity - it's sort of invigorating but at the same time it's like BAHH I NEED A FUCKING BREAK.

going to venice for my 18th next week thoughh, so hopefully that'll REJUVENATE me innit :D

All i said to you, all i did for you, seems so silly to me now.

so tegan and sara were a bit good :)

say crack again.

1) she asked me how to spell orange.
2) This is your lunch, OK? I put a dollar in there so you can buy some milk, you can ask one of the big kids where to do that.
3) alyssa; i'm sorry I called you a gap-toothed bitch. it's not your fault you're so gap-toothed.
4) did you have an awesome time? did you drink awesome shooters, listen to awesome music, and then just sit around and soak up each others awesomeness?!
5) Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die! Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, OK, promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers.
6) 4 for you glen coco, you go glen coco!
7) if you're from africa... why are you white?
8) Gretchen, I'm sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea at Barnes... And I'm sorry I told everyone about it… And I'm sorry for repeating it now.
9) one time, she punched me in the face. it was awesome.
10) SHE DOESN'T EVEN GO HERE!

i just want back in your head.

so today i went to a geography lesson, ate some chinese food and watched seven episodes of eastenders in a row. i also downloaded a couple of ani difranco albums, a belle and sebastian album and a fine frenzy album which is a bit good. i also cried and slept.

i want something GOOD to happen. anything; a kiss from someone nice, a haircut, whatever.

In time I'd find a little way to your heart, down to the general store for nothing specific.

i want:
1) to stop being so vague
2) to stop being so naive
3) to stop being so indesicive
4) a girlfriend.

'She said I don't know if I've ever been good enough
I'm a little bit rusty
and I think my head is caving in
And I don't know if I've ever been really loved
By a hand that's touched me
well I feel like something's gonna give
And I'm a little bit angry.'

i wanna do bad things with you.

going to france sooon, wheyy. i'm quite looking forward to a bit of relaxation despite the fact i've got a ton of work to do... also these friends of my parents are staying with us. all i know is that the guy likes astronomy and is bringing this massive telescope, and they used to foster loads of children, so they sound alreet :)




i love finding old gems like this ;D

i keep on talking trash but i never say anything.

who would you rather be, the beatles or the rolling stones?

i'm loving:











yum yum nice nice, life is good.

keep the car running.

so GUESS who passed their driving test yesterday?! :DDD
my examiner was called Larry; he had a white moustache and he was sexy. I love him to pieces though because i stalled twice, pulled out of a junction in third gear AND reversed diagonally across a road without looking AND HE PASSED ME.









so now i'm free to drive around in this little beauty, and it's a bit good.

oh you'll never get nowhere, cause i'm the pacemaker.

Oh, I gotta see the GP, coughing up lungs
Doc says stop or you're gonna die young
I haven't even started to do what I done
You young don't listen, you just carry on
Well, we heard it before when your song got sung
Get a grip son
Why?
Cause you're always drunken
We're not captains just skivvy sunken
Humdrum drum, drum, live fast die young

everything's in order in a black hole, nothing seems as pretty as the past though.

YAY FOR LIFE

we won't stop until somebody calls the cops, and even then we'll start again and just pretend that nothing ever happened.

aw man i miss it :(

underneath it all, there's just a fire waiting for fuel.

I want somebody who sees the pointlessness
and still keeps their purpose in mind
I want somebody who has a tortured soul
some of the time
I want somebody who will either put out for me
or put me out of misery
or maybe just put it all to words
and make me say, you know
I never heard it put that way
make me say, what did you just say?
I want somebody who can hold my interest
hold it and never let it fall
someone who can flatten me with a kiss
that hits like a fist
or a sentence that stops me like a brick wall
because if you hear me talking
listen to what I'm not saying
if you hear me playing guitar
listen to what I'm not playing
and don't ask me to put words
to all the spaces between notes
in fact if you have to ask, forget it
do and you'll regret it
I'm tired of being the interesting one
I'm tired of heving fun for two
just lay yourself on the line
and I might lay myself down by you
but don't sit behind your eyes
and wait for me to surprise you
I want somebody who can make me
scream until it's funny
give me a run for my money
I want someone who can
twist me up in knots
tell me, for the woman who has everything
what have you got?
I want someone who's not afraid of me
or anyone else
in other words I want someone
who's not afraid of themself

do you think I'm asking too much?

what is simple in the moonlight by the morning never is.

so today was interesting. went up to London on my own and got quite lost which was strangely exhilirating. went to the University of London exhibit, picked up some pamphlets and talked to a nice lady. then i had a few hours to kill so i jumped on the Picadilly line and headed up to where i used to live.
it was further away than i remembered and i ended up walking a lot which was okay, it was kinda surreal. my house and the area outside and the park seemed pretty much the same except a lot smaller, like everything had shrunk but i guess it's just cause i was smaller then.
the only let down was they've completely re-done the playground that i used to go to all the time as a child; NO space rocket, NO helter skelter slides and the swings are all different and shit :(













sad times.
i'm pretty happy though cause it rained a lot today & i like heavy rain, and i feel like i've travelled A LOT which is nice cause i like travelling too. i went from Ascot to Waterloo, Waterloo to Goodge Stret, Goodge Street to Leicester Square, Leicester Square to Oakwood, Oakwood to Kings Cross, Kings Cross to Oxford Circus, Oxford Circus to Waterloo, Waterloo to Ascot :).

i don't believe that anybody feels the way i do about you now.

i love:
1) my crazy mother
2) my crazy kitties (best friend & pet)
3) my crazy sister
4) my crazily unreliable & rickety but beautiful car
5) my crazy curly hair
6) crazy horror films
7) crazy food (tangy cheese doritos, RAINBOW NERDS, pineapples etc.. THAT'S CRAZY SHIT!)
8) crazy festivals
9) vaguely crazy people at school (are those headache sausages?!!)
10) crazy clothes - i REALLY want a bunny suit :(
11) CRAZY TIMES.

i'm all out of faith.

you know that i could use somebody like you.

i love how accurate these things are sometimes.











positive:
- creative
- imaginative
- ingenious
- honest
- sensitive
- faithful
- sincere
- peaceful
- adaptable
- independent
- gentle
- easy going

negative:
- eccentric
- illogical
- vulnerable
- irresponsible
- irrational
- naive
- unsatisfied
- disorganized
- impulsive
- lazy
- gullible
- indulgent
- careless
- anxious
- impractical

'Goat and monkey will never be bored together. With monkey's quick wits and goat's imagination there will always be plenty to do and they can be great friends. As lovers, monkeys may not be able to provide the constant reassurances that goats need.'

bah, that's quite true in a way.

well i'm finding it harder to be a gentleman every day.

i do like people from school in a way, i think i give them too much stick sometimes.











went out for dinner with lotsa people from school & it was propa nice, yeahhhh i'm too mean about them a lot of the time and they're a bit of alreet =).

christ ma, ya on uppers?

shitting bollocks this film made me CRY. not titanic crying, not eternal sunshine crying, not even MUFASA DYING crying... i think i've broken a record. it's also put me off drugs for life, which can only be a good thing.

you don't know what love is (you just do as you're told).

she's in love with the world
but sometimes these feelings can be so misleading
she turns and says "are you alright?"
I said "I must be fine cause my heart's still beating".


my mum thinks i have laryngitis, however she's still letting me go out tonight. HOORAY for rubbish parents =)

that's why a bear can rest at ease with just the bare necessities of life =)

all the soldiers say it'll be alright.

CHEESE IS A KIND OF MEAT
A TASTY YELLOW BEEF
I MILK IT FROM MY TEAT
BUT I TRY TO BE DISCREET.


hahahahahaha oh god why is everything so amusing all of a sudden?!!!


Molly India says:
but please dont fall in love with bucket vag
Molly India says:
she has a bucket vag!
Molly India says:
it will be like the grand canyon by the time shes 30!


Jess. says:
my friend made me laugh so much i shot boiling coffee out of my nose
Jess. says:
then my nan caused me to pour boiling water down my arm
Jess. says:
lovely stuff really
sophie - and you feel hopeless and homeless and lost in the haze of the wine. says:
ahahahahahahaahahahahahaha
sophie - and you feel hopeless and homeless and lost in the haze of the wine. says:
sorry i should really be sympathetic



http://www.megaupload.com/?d=ZC10YS04

^ please download this, my cousin John (or JMAC!) made it and i don't think i've ever been so proud of a family member, ever.

everybody knows you can't break me with your gutter prose.

From the balcony you call my name
I see you standing in the rain
Your words so dry, your face so wet
Said I broke your heart but it hasn't happened yet
I'll bet your friends all hate me now
I get the strangest looks from that bitchy crowd
And though they must think
They have every reason to
I guess I'm still not quite yet over you.

is it just me or is everything a bit odd right now? i'm not complaining, although i wish i was healthy enough to enjoy the oddness.

i don't do anything anymore, I just count these ceiling tiles falling through my floor.

All these nights I burnt, hours I turned
You think that by now I'd learnt
That you're only what you pretend to be
I guess that was just lost on me.

the last couple of days have been pretty mint; i'm slowly but surely recovering... my throat is still hoarse and sore & i have a delightful phloegmy cough, but everything else is all gravy.

READING 09.

FRIDAY




























SATURDAY






















SUNDAY




















when i got home i slept from 4:30pm to 7:30am, fun times :)

i no longer hear the music when the lights go out.

GRAVY TIMES!
lots of firsts today and yesterday. i:
1) got served at 3 bars
2) tried FRÜLI which is like strawberry flavoured beer and amazing
3) smoked in front of a family member (well only my sister, but still)
4) tried camels and dunhills which were both a bit of alreet
5) went to the london dungeon which was surprisingly creepy-ish
6) found a nose ring that actually fits and looks reppin' ;D
7) slept on an orthopedic mattress
8) bought a super CRAZY hair dye

do you believe in magic?

3As and a B, get in sonny jim?
my pappa only gave me twenty quid and a pat on the back though, what a let down haha.

the sun will rise, even if you don't happen to be there.

i am feeling a) tired b) melancholy c) lonely d) anxious.

i am reading a) The Well Of Loneliness by Radclyffe Hall b) The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks c) The Tempest by William Shakespeare d) L'etranger by Albert Camus.

i am listening to: a) The Start Of Something by Voxtrot b) Dorchester Hotel by The Sounds c) Dull Life by Yeah Yeah Yeahs d) Night Of The Living Dead by Tilly & The Wall.

i want a) a HUGE change b) more people around me c) a more carefree outlook on everything d) a pretty specific kind of girl.


i don't want a) to get my results on Thursday b) my hair to get any wilder c) to feel this low all the time d) things to stay the same.

yeah, he wanted to be a policeman but his head wouldn't fit in the helmets.

HAPPY TIMES!
a) kitty's home
b) my sister came to visit
c) i gave blood and felt very good about it and didn't die
d) kitty's home
e) it's SUPER DUPER nice weather
f) it's reading festival soon
g) i have a MOLDY PEACHES T-SHIRT which i'm never gonna take off ever
h) kitty's home.









i know so many white people
i mean, where do i start?
the trouble with white people
is you can't tell them apart
i'm so bad with names and dates and times
but i'm big on faces
that is, except for mine

i believe you when you tell me
we've met before
this time you've got my interest
this time you've got the floor
why don't you go and tell me something
i don't already know
give me something to remember you by
when i go

i eat too much
i laugh too long
maybe i'll like too much of you
when i'm gone

let's go over to the window
and sit in the neon light
let's go out walking
you know, it's garbage night
let's go down to the east river
and throw something in
something we can't live without
and then let's start again

the more you talk
the more i get
the sense of something
that hasn't happened yet
the more you talk
the more i want to know
the way i'll remember you
when i go

i eat too much
i laugh too long
maybe i'll like too much of you
when i'm gone

i am so many white people
i mean where do i start
i've got lots of personalities
i just can't tell them apart
and i never remember anything
except for those things
which i never forget you know
there's no in between

i'm big on your face
yeah it's big in my mind
you're like the rest of the human race
you're one of a kind

is this the end or just the start of something really, really beautiful (wrapped up and disguised as something really, really ugly)?

maybe you would have been something i'd be good at.

okay, I NEED CAT. I NEED HER. THIS IS URGENT AND SUPER IMPORTANT AND EXPINENTIALLY MORE ARRRRRGH THAN ANYTHING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED EVER.
up till now it's been like 'okay yeah, it'd be nice to have kitty around, i kinda miss her but it's okay cause she's having a nice time in India la la la'.
but now, it's like INDIA YOU FUCKING WANKERS GIVE ME MY KITTY BACK OR I'LL TAKE AWAY ALL YOUR CURRY POWDER. THAT'S RIGHT, ALL OF IT. THEN YOU'LL HAVE NOTHING BUT NORMAL PLAIN RICE AND CHICKEN LIKE EVERYONE ELSE MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA. HA.
i NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED HER. i NEEEEED her. it's not even funny anymore; if i don't have kitty soon i'm going to die a very slow and painful death. VERY SLOW. and VERY PAINFUL. this isn't an over exaggeration, I NEED CATRIONA HELEN ANNA EASDALE. I NEEEEEEEEED HER, BRING HER TO ME GODAMMIT!!!!!
i think i have made my point clear.

nobody knows it, but you've got a secret smile.

i've had a headache all day and i had a jab earlier, unfun times :(

HOWEVER yesterday was a lot more 'citing; i went into Reading with alex kirkham and we met two cool if slightly nerdy people called Ben and Georgia. Ben was gay and kinda hit it off with alex and i like him cause he watched Psychoville; Georgia was straight and i found her very funny because she laughs a lot and she has a thing for old people.









songs right now:

1) First Day Of My Life - Bright Eyes
2) Secret Smile - Semisonic
3) No Rain - Blind Melon
4) Tango - Lady Sovereign ;)
5) Nothing But My Baby - Alphabeat
6) Cheated Hearts - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
7) In The Aeroplane Over The Sea - Neutral Milk Hotel

i think i was blind before i met you...

I am a lesbian and I was walking through a busy town holding my girlfriend's hand. As usual, we were glared at and yelled at a lot. Then we passed a woman walking with her daughter, who was maybe 7 years old. The little girl asked her mom why two girls were holding hands, and we heard her say after we passed, "Because they love each other." GMH.

oh god i can tell i'm on my period... i read this and now i'm actually WEEPING.

this is the first day of my life.

i've been home alone all day so far and i'm getting vaguely nervous/crazy but it's okay; i watched a japanese horror movie this morning and i got so scared i couldn't move, hahaha oh dearrr...












and then i got the WORST stomach cramps in the whole world so i lay on the floor and swore for a bit, that was kinda unfun.
but THEN i found this girl and fell in love:



so that was quite nice :)
and now i'm listening to this Bright Eyes song over and over again, because it's funny and heart warming and upsetting all at the same time which is kinda how i'm feeling.

Yours is the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
Now I don’t know where I am
I don’t know where I’ve been
But I know where I want to go.

blind melon.

All I can say is that my life is pretty plain
I like watching the puddles gather rain
And all I can do is just pour some tea for two
An speak my point of view
But it's not sane, it's not sane

I just want someone to say to me oh, oh, oh, oh
I'll always be there when you wake yeah,
You know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today
So stay with me and I'll have it made

And I don't understand why I sleep all day
And I start to complain that there's no rain

And all I can do is read a book to stay awake
And it rips my life away, but it's a great escape

All I can say is that my life is pretty plain
You don't like my point of view
Then I'm insane
Its not sane... Its not sane

and all i can do is pour some tea for two, and speak my point of view (but it's not sane).

:)

we sing the nightmare of the lies that you speak.

so today i'm happy happy; i drove to the gym and back and went to TESCOS with my dad which was surprisingly riveting, and i spent the afternoon learning ALL about these for my astronomy course which was also surprisingly riveting:





=) cool tings.





now i'm going to play farm frenzy (i know i finished the levels but now i'm trying to get GOLD MEDALS on all of them, shhhhh i'm not at all tragic).

'why does that girl have GAP on her ars?!!!'

1) i drove to the coast and back and feel very proud
2) i've started wearing lots of rings, it makes me feel like a hippy
3) i've finished all the levels on farm frenzy 2; therefore my life has no meaning anymore ;D
4) http://www.mediafire.com/?tygmzomnlyd

this time baby, i'll be bulletproof.

i swear alex kirkham comes up with the funniest shit.

hey babe, take a walk on the wild side.

so i'm feeling kinda kooky today. i've eaten loads of cereal and i drove really fast round all the roundabouts in Bracknell with my sister while listening to Patrick Wolf and it was super fun. i also found a purple ring and downloaded lots of funny songs and played in some leaves.
I WANT:
a) a lip piercing
b) to be ruder and funnier
c) a lizard
d) a SMOOTHIE!