I could stay a while, but sooner or later I'll break your smile
And I can tell a joke, but one of these days I'm bound to choke
And we might share a kiss, but I feel like I can't go through with this
And I bet we could build a home, but I know the right thing for me to do
Is to leave you alone
I'm beginning to like you so you probably won't get what I'm going to do
I'm walking away from you
It probably don't make no sense to you
But I'm trying to save you
From all of the things that I'll probably say or do
And I'm beginning to like you
It's a shame
What a lame way to live
But what can i do?
Well I hope you appreciate
What I do...
I'm a martyr for my love for you.
Tuesday, 28 December 2010
how can someone so inconsistent mess up so consistently?
I'm currently reading Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close; the main character is called Oskar and he likes to invent things in his mind. These are my favourites, of the ones I've come across so far.
1. What about little microphones? What if everyone swallowed them, and they played the sounds of our hearts through little speakers, which could be in the pouches of our overalls? When you skateboarded down the street at night you could hear everyone's heartbeat, and they could hear yours, sort of like sonar. One weird thing is, I wonder if everyone's hearts would start to beat at the same time, like how women who live together have their menstrual periods at the same time, which I know about, but don't really want to know about. That would be so weird, except that the place in the hospital where babies are born would sound like a crystal chandelier in a houseboat, because the babies wouldn't have had time to match up their heartbeats yet. And at the finish line at the end of the New York City marathon it would sound like war.
2. In bed that night I invented a special drain that would be underneath every pillow in New York, and would connect to the reservoir. Whenever people cried themselves to sleep, the tears would all go to the same place, and in the morning the weatherman could report if the water level of the Reservoir of Tears had gone up or down, and you could know if New York was in heavy boots. And when something really terrible happened, like a nuclear bomb, or at least a biological weapons attack - an extremely loud siren would go off, telling everyone to get to Central Park to put sandbags around the reservoir.
3. "Grandma? Over." "Yes? Over." "Why are matches so short? Over." "What do you mean? Over." "Well they always seem to run out. Everyone's always rushing at the end, and sometimes even burning their fingers. Over." "I'm not very smart," she said, insulting herself like she always does before she gives an opinion, "but I think the matches are short so they can fit in your pocket. Over." "Yeah," I said, balancing my chin on my hand, and my elbow in on the windowsill. "I think that, too. So what if pockets were a lot bigger? Over." "Well, what do I know, but I think the people might have a hard time reaching the bottoms of them if they went much lower. Over." "Right," I said, switching hands because that one was getting tired, "so, what about a portable pocket? Over." "A portable pocket? Over." "Yeah. It would be sort of like a sock, but with a Velcro outside, so you could attach it to anything. It's not quite a bag, because it actually becomes part of what you're wearing, but it's not quite a pocket either, because it's on the outside of your clothes, and also you can remove it, which would have all sorts of advantages, like how you could move things from one outfit to another easily, and how you could carry bigger things around, since you can take the pocket off and reach your arm all the way in. Over." She put her hand against the part of her nightgown that covered her heart and said, "That sounds like one hundred dollars. Over." "A portable pocket would prevent a lot of finger burns from short matches," I said.
4. An ambulance drove down the street between us, and I imagined who it was carrying, and what had happened to him. Did he break an ankle attempting a hard trick on his skateboard? Or maybe he was dying from third-degree burns on ninety percent of his body? Was there any chance I knew him? Did anyone see the ambulance and wonder if it was me inside?
What about a device that knew everyone you knew? So when an ambulance went down the street, a big sign on the roof could flash
DON'T WORRY! DON'T WORRY!
if the sick person's device didn't detect the device of someone he knew nearby. And if the device did detect the device or someone he knew, the ambulance could flash the name of the person in the ambulance, and either
IT'S NOTHING MAJOR! IT'S NOTHING MAJOR!
or, if it was something major,
IT'S MAJOR! IT'S MAJOR!
And maybe you could rate the people by how much you loved them, so if the device of the person in the ambulance detected the device of the person he loved the most, or the person who loved him the most, and the person in the ambulance was really badly hurt, and might even die, the ambulance could flash
GOODBYE! I LOVE YOU! GOODBYE! I LOVE YOU!
5. What if the water that came out of the shower was treated with a chemical that responded to a combination of things, like your heartbeat, and your body temperature, and your brain waves, so that your skin changed colour according to your mood? If you were extremely excited your skin would turn green, and if you were angry you'd turn red, obviously, and if you felt like shiitake you'd turn brown, and if you were blue you'd turn blue.
Everyone could know what everyone else felt, and we could be more careful with each other, because you'd never want to tell a person whose skin was purple that you're angry at her for being late, just like you would want to pat a pink person on the back and tell him, "Congratulations!"
Another reason it would be a good invention is that there are so many times when you know you're feeling a lot of something but you don't know what the something is. 'Am I frustrated? Am I actually just panicky?' And that confusion changes your mood, it becomes your mood, and you become a confused, gray person. But with the special water, you could look at your orange hands and think, 'I am happy! That whole time I was actually happy! What a relief!'
1. What about little microphones? What if everyone swallowed them, and they played the sounds of our hearts through little speakers, which could be in the pouches of our overalls? When you skateboarded down the street at night you could hear everyone's heartbeat, and they could hear yours, sort of like sonar. One weird thing is, I wonder if everyone's hearts would start to beat at the same time, like how women who live together have their menstrual periods at the same time, which I know about, but don't really want to know about. That would be so weird, except that the place in the hospital where babies are born would sound like a crystal chandelier in a houseboat, because the babies wouldn't have had time to match up their heartbeats yet. And at the finish line at the end of the New York City marathon it would sound like war.
2. In bed that night I invented a special drain that would be underneath every pillow in New York, and would connect to the reservoir. Whenever people cried themselves to sleep, the tears would all go to the same place, and in the morning the weatherman could report if the water level of the Reservoir of Tears had gone up or down, and you could know if New York was in heavy boots. And when something really terrible happened, like a nuclear bomb, or at least a biological weapons attack - an extremely loud siren would go off, telling everyone to get to Central Park to put sandbags around the reservoir.
3. "Grandma? Over." "Yes? Over." "Why are matches so short? Over." "What do you mean? Over." "Well they always seem to run out. Everyone's always rushing at the end, and sometimes even burning their fingers. Over." "I'm not very smart," she said, insulting herself like she always does before she gives an opinion, "but I think the matches are short so they can fit in your pocket. Over." "Yeah," I said, balancing my chin on my hand, and my elbow in on the windowsill. "I think that, too. So what if pockets were a lot bigger? Over." "Well, what do I know, but I think the people might have a hard time reaching the bottoms of them if they went much lower. Over." "Right," I said, switching hands because that one was getting tired, "so, what about a portable pocket? Over." "A portable pocket? Over." "Yeah. It would be sort of like a sock, but with a Velcro outside, so you could attach it to anything. It's not quite a bag, because it actually becomes part of what you're wearing, but it's not quite a pocket either, because it's on the outside of your clothes, and also you can remove it, which would have all sorts of advantages, like how you could move things from one outfit to another easily, and how you could carry bigger things around, since you can take the pocket off and reach your arm all the way in. Over." She put her hand against the part of her nightgown that covered her heart and said, "That sounds like one hundred dollars. Over." "A portable pocket would prevent a lot of finger burns from short matches," I said.
4. An ambulance drove down the street between us, and I imagined who it was carrying, and what had happened to him. Did he break an ankle attempting a hard trick on his skateboard? Or maybe he was dying from third-degree burns on ninety percent of his body? Was there any chance I knew him? Did anyone see the ambulance and wonder if it was me inside?
What about a device that knew everyone you knew? So when an ambulance went down the street, a big sign on the roof could flash
DON'T WORRY! DON'T WORRY!
if the sick person's device didn't detect the device of someone he knew nearby. And if the device did detect the device or someone he knew, the ambulance could flash the name of the person in the ambulance, and either
IT'S NOTHING MAJOR! IT'S NOTHING MAJOR!
or, if it was something major,
IT'S MAJOR! IT'S MAJOR!
And maybe you could rate the people by how much you loved them, so if the device of the person in the ambulance detected the device of the person he loved the most, or the person who loved him the most, and the person in the ambulance was really badly hurt, and might even die, the ambulance could flash
GOODBYE! I LOVE YOU! GOODBYE! I LOVE YOU!
5. What if the water that came out of the shower was treated with a chemical that responded to a combination of things, like your heartbeat, and your body temperature, and your brain waves, so that your skin changed colour according to your mood? If you were extremely excited your skin would turn green, and if you were angry you'd turn red, obviously, and if you felt like shiitake you'd turn brown, and if you were blue you'd turn blue.
Everyone could know what everyone else felt, and we could be more careful with each other, because you'd never want to tell a person whose skin was purple that you're angry at her for being late, just like you would want to pat a pink person on the back and tell him, "Congratulations!"
Another reason it would be a good invention is that there are so many times when you know you're feeling a lot of something but you don't know what the something is. 'Am I frustrated? Am I actually just panicky?' And that confusion changes your mood, it becomes your mood, and you become a confused, gray person. But with the special water, you could look at your orange hands and think, 'I am happy! That whole time I was actually happy! What a relief!'
Monday, 27 December 2010
Saturday, 25 December 2010
New Years Resolutions.
1. Attend all my seminars and registered lectures.
2. Read more books.
3. Drink more wine.
4. Be quieter during sex.
That's all, I always make too many anyway. This way I have two for mind (a university education and books) and two for body/ soul (wine is good for the soul and sex is good for the body, even quiet sex). Done :)
2. Read more books.
3. Drink more wine.
4. Be quieter during sex.
That's all, I always make too many anyway. This way I have two for mind (a university education and books) and two for body/ soul (wine is good for the soul and sex is good for the body, even quiet sex). Done :)
sweet like a candy cane hanging from the tree, I will stripe you red and green
Today has been altogether pretty awesome :)
I received a fair few beautiful gifts; a hip flask from my sister and her boyfriend, speakers for my laptop, a lovely jumper dress, a JULIA NUNES t-shirt and bumper sticker, a gorgeous golden lion necklace - to name a few. But I think my all time favourite gift is from my mother; three beautiful first edition books including Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer. I've only read the first four pages and already decided that he's pretty much my favourite contemporary author.
“We laughed and laughed, together and separately, out loud and silently, we were determined to ignore whatever needed to be ignored, to build a new world from nothing if nothing in our world could be salvaged, it was one of the best days of my life, a day during which I lived my life and didn’t think about my life at all.”
I received a fair few beautiful gifts; a hip flask from my sister and her boyfriend, speakers for my laptop, a lovely jumper dress, a JULIA NUNES t-shirt and bumper sticker, a gorgeous golden lion necklace - to name a few. But I think my all time favourite gift is from my mother; three beautiful first edition books including Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer. I've only read the first four pages and already decided that he's pretty much my favourite contemporary author.
“We laughed and laughed, together and separately, out loud and silently, we were determined to ignore whatever needed to be ignored, to build a new world from nothing if nothing in our world could be salvaged, it was one of the best days of my life, a day during which I lived my life and didn’t think about my life at all.”
Thursday, 23 December 2010
I got a pocket, got a pocket full of sunshine
I have rarely felt a) so festive b) so happy c) so hungry ALL the time (slightly worried I may be pregnant).
I think it goes to show that heaps of Christmas decorations, mince pies and a determination to feel Christmassy definitely does not necessarily lead to a warm fuzzy festive feeling. We have a sparsely decorated Christmas tree (I was too ill so dad decorated it - his 'minimalistic' creativity leaves something to be desired, plus he threw a load of decorations out last year including ALL the tinsel) and nowhere else in the house is decorated. I've had precisely one mince pie so far, and I haven't had a particularly strong determination to FEEL festive; it's just happened. yay :)
The happiness is due to a number of things; mainly at the moment, fun times with Cat last night and viewings of Easy A - disputably one of the best films ever.
I think it goes to show that heaps of Christmas decorations, mince pies and a determination to feel Christmassy definitely does not necessarily lead to a warm fuzzy festive feeling. We have a sparsely decorated Christmas tree (I was too ill so dad decorated it - his 'minimalistic' creativity leaves something to be desired, plus he threw a load of decorations out last year including ALL the tinsel) and nowhere else in the house is decorated. I've had precisely one mince pie so far, and I haven't had a particularly strong determination to FEEL festive; it's just happened. yay :)
The happiness is due to a number of things; mainly at the moment, fun times with Cat last night and viewings of Easy A - disputably one of the best films ever.
Monday, 20 December 2010
Failed New Years Resolutions for 2010 (oops):
1. Get a job
2. Get a tattoo
3. Floss more regularly
4. Don't become an alcoholic/ smoke a lot/ do drugs (MAJOR FAIL)
Achieved New Years Resolutions for 2010 (yay):
1. Go to Cambridge or Sussex
2. Get at least one more piercing
3. Befriend more straight men
4. Keep my existing friends
5. Start university well
6. Go to at least 10 gigs
New Years Resolutions for 2011 still to come... I need to have a think.
1. Get a job
2. Get a tattoo
3. Floss more regularly
4. Don't become an alcoholic/ smoke a lot/ do drugs (MAJOR FAIL)
Achieved New Years Resolutions for 2010 (yay):
1. Go to Cambridge or Sussex
2. Get at least one more piercing
3. Befriend more straight men
4. Keep my existing friends
5. Start university well
6. Go to at least 10 gigs
New Years Resolutions for 2011 still to come... I need to have a think.
Sunday, 19 December 2010
There's no-one I can talk to like I talk to myself, she said
There's no clothes I can buy
That make me feel like myself, she said
So I put on clothes to make me look like someone else instead
And as a matter of fact I don't like to be seen
Cause I'm not satisfied with myself, she said
There no perfume I can buy
To make me smell like myself, she said
So I put on perfume to make me smell like someone else in bed
And as a matter of fact I don't like to be scented
I don't like to smell myself, she said
There no one I can talk to like I talk to myself, she said
So I play games to make them think I'm someone else - it's inbred
And as a matter of fact I don't like to be seen
Cause I'm not satisfied with myself, she said
Saturday, 18 December 2010
I love you in the morning, when you're still hungover.
fuck it, exploiting my personal life is what I'm best at. I'm not going to put them all here, but some.
3. The way he kisses.
4. The way he can pick me up and swing me around
9. His ability to play guitar and sing well. On Thursday night after we had sex, he sat on the bed naked with his guitar and played Soco Amaretto Lime by Brand New and Creep by Radiohead. He looked and sounded so fucking beautiful that I became all overwhelmed/ wasn't sure what I'd done to deserve him and cried during both songs. He laughed and told me to stop being so cute. I vowed to myself that I'd never forget those moments, ever.
15. How he appreciates my body even though I don't think it's very pretty at all.
17. His smell.
19. How he puts up with me looking like a massive hobo 87% of the time.
25. The way he looks first thing in the morning, especially his messy hair.
26. How he's really warm all the time.
30. How he worries about me a fair amount but strives to hide it from me (something I've only discovered recently) e.g. The ball on my tongue bar keeps coming off, and after I had driven home on Friday after dropping him back at Sussex he told me that he was mega worried it would fall off while I was driving and I'd choke and crash - I thought it was one of the most endearing things I've ever heard.
3. The way he kisses.
4. The way he can pick me up and swing me around
9. His ability to play guitar and sing well. On Thursday night after we had sex, he sat on the bed naked with his guitar and played Soco Amaretto Lime by Brand New and Creep by Radiohead. He looked and sounded so fucking beautiful that I became all overwhelmed/ wasn't sure what I'd done to deserve him and cried during both songs. He laughed and told me to stop being so cute. I vowed to myself that I'd never forget those moments, ever.
15. How he appreciates my body even though I don't think it's very pretty at all.
17. His smell.
19. How he puts up with me looking like a massive hobo 87% of the time.
25. The way he looks first thing in the morning, especially his messy hair.
26. How he's really warm all the time.
30. How he worries about me a fair amount but strives to hide it from me (something I've only discovered recently) e.g. The ball on my tongue bar keeps coming off, and after I had driven home on Friday after dropping him back at Sussex he told me that he was mega worried it would fall off while I was driving and I'd choke and crash - I thought it was one of the most endearing things I've ever heard.
passed out on the overpass, Sunday best and broken glass.
Today is a good day. I got home from Cat's at just the right time; the trains were still running so I didn't have to wait but it had just started snowing heavily so the journey home was the prettiest ever :)
My parents were meant to have a party tonight but cancelled cause of the weather; disappointing for them, but it now means that we're snowed in with insane amounts of champagne, wine and cheese. I'm not complaining, today I've had a lot of red wine and goats cheese on toast and it's been beautiful. I also watched Cabaret with my mother and made a substantial list of all the things I love about that boy which I may or may not put on here at some point. Happy, happy, happy.
My parents were meant to have a party tonight but cancelled cause of the weather; disappointing for them, but it now means that we're snowed in with insane amounts of champagne, wine and cheese. I'm not complaining, today I've had a lot of red wine and goats cheese on toast and it's been beautiful. I also watched Cabaret with my mother and made a substantial list of all the things I love about that boy which I may or may not put on here at some point. Happy, happy, happy.
Tuesday, 14 December 2010
time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
I have a huge Julia Nunes fetish right now, no word of a lie. I'm also quite concerned for my bestest friend in the whole world and wish her a speedy recovery - *virtual warm fuzzy feelings*. I really want my purse back from Brighton so that I can start buying/ ordering beautiful Christmassy related gifts and whatnot.
Monday, 13 December 2010
How much longer will it take to cure this
Just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if it's love (love)
Makes me wanna turn around and face me but I don't know nothing 'bout love.
yay for life :)
Makes me wanna turn around and face me but I don't know nothing 'bout love.
yay for life :)
Sunday, 12 December 2010
i just can't look, it's killing me
Happy as a happy thing :) Alex Jordan's coming to visit tomorrow during the day if he passes his driving test; Katy, Rosie and Sarah are coming in the evening for chilli con carne and Mean Girls, and on Tuesday none other than that lovely lovely boy is coming to stay for a couple of days.
As a side note, mega kudos to Julia Nunes for making an 'N Sync song sound cool.
As a side note, mega kudos to Julia Nunes for making an 'N Sync song sound cool.
if you think you need a fix, i'm not the fixing kind
Highlights of today so far:
1. Watching a guy on the telly trying to beat the world record for the number of watermelons punched in a minute
2. Going to the shop and buying Glamour magazine and a packet of skips.
... so maybe I need to start getting out more.
1. Watching a guy on the telly trying to beat the world record for the number of watermelons punched in a minute
2. Going to the shop and buying Glamour magazine and a packet of skips.
... so maybe I need to start getting out more.
Friday, 10 December 2010
how could this be done by such a smiling sweetheart?
Good morning :) These are the music videos to the 10 most played songs on my iTunes (in order)... cause they're nice. The only exception is that number 7 should technically be Die by the Drop by The Dead Weather, but Youtube wouldn't let me embed the video :(
Thursday, 9 December 2010
Show a little tenderness, no matter if you cry
I lost my virginity on a living room floor, stoned and listening to Portishead. It was one of the best experiences of my entire life.
my heart's got a tricky valve that beats for nobody but you
I've decided to try and keep up this blog more regularly; I'm pretty much home for Christmas now and my creative outlet has waned somewhat since going to Uni. Wishlist maybe? I haven't done one in ages after all:
1. Triston in my bed for a long time
2. To be better so that I can get up and about and drive around and be merry again
3. Normal hair again (right now it looks about half the length it actually is, because it's all stuck up and matted and I have what looks suspiciously like a dread at the back)
4. A McChicken sandwich, chips and two pints of Coke - yes, two
5. My purse; I left it in Brighton so I can't do Christmas shopping or Internet shopping or go to the pub/ buy alcohol or cigarettes or do anything remotely fun
6. New clothes - two pairs of jeans and three dresses would be beautiful
um, that's about it really.
Tuesday, 7 December 2010
can't say that i've been good all year, but i've been making resolutions to get you here
Been to hospital, had my appendix out, lots of hurty hurt and pain etc etc. boring facts about life and mumbo jumbo and nothing which means much to anyone apart from me myself and i.
it's christmas soon, yay. i miss Triston James Spicer and I want him in my bed - there, i said it.
My mother's thoughts on Triston - 'he's a very good looking young man isn't he, and hasn't he got wonderful hair!'
yes, yes he does. it's going to be a long holiday.
i miss sex too.
it's christmas soon, yay. i miss Triston James Spicer and I want him in my bed - there, i said it.
My mother's thoughts on Triston - 'he's a very good looking young man isn't he, and hasn't he got wonderful hair!'
yes, yes he does. it's going to be a long holiday.
i miss sex too.
Wednesday, 3 November 2010
i can't take my mind off of you.
Things of note that have happened in my life:
1. I got my tongue pierced
2. I had a breakdown over my worrying lack of studious pursuits, and then started actually studying
3. I finally took too many drugs and sat outside for 45 minutes in a K hole, hallucinating. I remember a snail, a horrific monster, the word 'life' written on a brick wall, and what I thought was myself walking past and touching my hand (it was a guy dressed up as Edward Scissorhands who I was also dressed as)
4. I've started taking the Pill
5. I've finally started to become a little bit homesick
6. I've booked tickets to see Ani Difranco in January, yay
7. I think I may have fallen in love, but shhh. It's a secret.
1. I got my tongue pierced
2. I had a breakdown over my worrying lack of studious pursuits, and then started actually studying
3. I finally took too many drugs and sat outside for 45 minutes in a K hole, hallucinating. I remember a snail, a horrific monster, the word 'life' written on a brick wall, and what I thought was myself walking past and touching my hand (it was a guy dressed up as Edward Scissorhands who I was also dressed as)
4. I've started taking the Pill
5. I've finally started to become a little bit homesick
6. I've booked tickets to see Ani Difranco in January, yay
7. I think I may have fallen in love, but shhh. It's a secret.
Monday, 18 October 2010
you give love a bad name.
things that I have learnt/ discovered at university that I wasn't expecting to learn/ discover:
1. a lot of people take A LOT of drugs
2. there are a lot of drugs about everywhere, if you know where to look
3. sex with men is nice
4. motivating yourself to do things you don't want to do (ie turning up to morning lectures/ seminars, reading stuff) is extraordinarily difficult without any parental/ authoritative figures who actually give a fuck or will punish you if you don't do it
5. A LOT of people take gap years/ spend three or four years at college
6. ergo, a lot of people are older than me and it feels a bit weird
7. a lot of people have really bad teeth compared to what i'm used to - i'm not sure if this is a class thing or what.
8. seagulls are the spawn of the devil. they eat your food, they wake you up in the middle of the night by tapping on your window/ making a hell of a noise, and their eyes are creepy. shudder.
9. a surprising amount of people can cook - although this might be a result of most of them being older/ wiser etc
10. lecturers are ridiculously boring 93% of the time. the 7% of the time when they're not boring is usually because they bear a resemblance to somebody famous or have an amusing accent.
11. I don't care as much about my appearance as I thought I did; I don't think i've worn make up since I arrived, I've been wearing pretty tramp-ish clothes and my hair is starting to naturally dread. yummmmm
um, yeah.
1. a lot of people take A LOT of drugs
2. there are a lot of drugs about everywhere, if you know where to look
3. sex with men is nice
4. motivating yourself to do things you don't want to do (ie turning up to morning lectures/ seminars, reading stuff) is extraordinarily difficult without any parental/ authoritative figures who actually give a fuck or will punish you if you don't do it
5. A LOT of people take gap years/ spend three or four years at college
6. ergo, a lot of people are older than me and it feels a bit weird
7. a lot of people have really bad teeth compared to what i'm used to - i'm not sure if this is a class thing or what.
8. seagulls are the spawn of the devil. they eat your food, they wake you up in the middle of the night by tapping on your window/ making a hell of a noise, and their eyes are creepy. shudder.
9. a surprising amount of people can cook - although this might be a result of most of them being older/ wiser etc
10. lecturers are ridiculously boring 93% of the time. the 7% of the time when they're not boring is usually because they bear a resemblance to somebody famous or have an amusing accent.
11. I don't care as much about my appearance as I thought I did; I don't think i've worn make up since I arrived, I've been wearing pretty tramp-ish clothes and my hair is starting to naturally dread. yummmmm
um, yeah.
Wednesday, 22 September 2010
will you be me?
I wonder if you've ever seen
the way the man in the lookout house looks at me
before he takes out his teeth and asks me to sign the wall
and i sign his wall with a heel of bread
dipped in green listerine
and then i kiss him on the head
and leave through the door in the floor
as he starts to fall down dead
i've got a pocket full of quarters and i'm headed for the woods
i'm gonna play miss pac man in a puddle of mud
i'm not gonna lose my shoes unless i start to cry
and the man in the moon said i'm not left handed
and he did a swan dive to the promise land
while you were lost in my bob hope diamond eyes
will you be me? will you be me?
wear my clothes, drink my coffee,
write my mommy, do my homework,
feed my babies, fight my crazies
the ground started bouncing so i jumped up trying
to feel like an angel flying
watch out for the power lines
unless you wanna die
the way the man in the lookout house looks at me
before he takes out his teeth and asks me to sign the wall
and i sign his wall with a heel of bread
dipped in green listerine
and then i kiss him on the head
and leave through the door in the floor
as he starts to fall down dead
i've got a pocket full of quarters and i'm headed for the woods
i'm gonna play miss pac man in a puddle of mud
i'm not gonna lose my shoes unless i start to cry
and the man in the moon said i'm not left handed
and he did a swan dive to the promise land
while you were lost in my bob hope diamond eyes
will you be me? will you be me?
wear my clothes, drink my coffee,
write my mommy, do my homework,
feed my babies, fight my crazies
the ground started bouncing so i jumped up trying
to feel like an angel flying
watch out for the power lines
unless you wanna die
Monday, 20 September 2010
Sunday, 19 September 2010
Saturday, 18 September 2010
i wanna live like common people
i like life right now; it's tense but in a good way.
Music that I grew up with:
1. Oasis
2. Pulp
3. Blur
4. The Prodigy
5. The Backstreet Boys (lol)
6. Natalie Imbruglia
7. A very young J. Lo
8. Republica
9. Pink Floyd
10. Texas
11. David Bowie
plus various dance, house and techno stuff which is what my sister and mum were into... but mainly Oasis, Pulp and Blur - all of whom I still propa love :)
Music that I grew up with:
1. Oasis
2. Pulp
3. Blur
4. The Prodigy
5. The Backstreet Boys (lol)
6. Natalie Imbruglia
7. A very young J. Lo
8. Republica
9. Pink Floyd
10. Texas
11. David Bowie
plus various dance, house and techno stuff which is what my sister and mum were into... but mainly Oasis, Pulp and Blur - all of whom I still propa love :)
Tuesday, 14 September 2010
please don't say we're done when i'm not finished
I like lists. I keep lists of things that I want, lists of people i like and places i've been, and things i need to do and things i don't need to do, and things i wish i had done and things i wish i had never done.
I bought a perfect notebook recently; it has 'Let there be Lists' written on the front and 'make lists not war' written on the back and on the inside cover i've written the lyrics to 'My Year In Lists' by Los Campesinos! because it always gets in my head whenever i write lists.
Today i made four lists; a list of all the horror films i own on DVD, a list of all the things i need for university, a list of the all the things i need to buy/ order for university, and a list of all the Barry M nail varnishes i own. The last one is possibly the most worrying...
1. Lemon ice cream
2. Mint green
3. Bright purple
4. Block orange
5. Acid yellow
6. Coral
7. Cyan blue
8. Grey
9. Navy
10. Cobalt blue
11. Spring green (x2, cause they made a newer version of it and i have both)
12. Raspberry
13. Bright red
14. Shocking pink
15. Yellow
16. Lime green
17. Tangerine
18. Black x2
um.
I bought a perfect notebook recently; it has 'Let there be Lists' written on the front and 'make lists not war' written on the back and on the inside cover i've written the lyrics to 'My Year In Lists' by Los Campesinos! because it always gets in my head whenever i write lists.
Today i made four lists; a list of all the horror films i own on DVD, a list of all the things i need for university, a list of the all the things i need to buy/ order for university, and a list of all the Barry M nail varnishes i own. The last one is possibly the most worrying...
1. Lemon ice cream
2. Mint green
3. Bright purple
4. Block orange
5. Acid yellow
6. Coral
7. Cyan blue
8. Grey
9. Navy
10. Cobalt blue
11. Spring green (x2, cause they made a newer version of it and i have both)
12. Raspberry
13. Bright red
14. Shocking pink
15. Yellow
16. Lime green
17. Tangerine
18. Black x2
um.
Monday, 13 September 2010
if the ecstacy's in, the wit is definitely out.
i knew i'd return to blogger eventually.
I read your letter
The one you left when you broke into my house
Retracing every step you made
And you said you meant it
And there's a piece of me in every single
Second of every single day
But if it's true then tell me how it got this way.
I visited Sussex today, it was empty but nice. Saw the flat i'm going to be moving into, had a nice (if wet) stroll down Brighton pier and dinner in the Harvester with Rosie and Sarah :) good day.
I read your letter
The one you left when you broke into my house
Retracing every step you made
And you said you meant it
And there's a piece of me in every single
Second of every single day
But if it's true then tell me how it got this way.
I visited Sussex today, it was empty but nice. Saw the flat i'm going to be moving into, had a nice (if wet) stroll down Brighton pier and dinner in the Harvester with Rosie and Sarah :) good day.
Thursday, 9 September 2010
i've got a backbone stronger than yours.
I haven't written here for a long time, hello :).
I'm going to university in 16 days, i don't think i'm anywhere near old enough or responsible enough or mature enough for this sort of thing, not in the slightest. i'm also very worried that nobody will like me or that everybody will be skinny, ordinary and narrow minded - however i've heard that this is a common fear so hopefully it'll be okay. i just don't want to be stuck in a dorm/ on a course full of girls interested in diets and clubbing and Usher and hair products and waxing and sex. and i don't want to be stuck in a dorm/ on a course full of boys interested in clubbing and Usher and hair products and beer and sex.
what i DO want is people interested in ani difranco and horror films and late night frivolities and peep show and mash ups and bizarre coincidences and philosophical literature. you know, not to be to specific or anything. everything's a bit odd right now because i want to do things and start new things and change things... but i'm moving away in a bit so is there really any point to anything? and that makes me feel like i should be packing or reading what i'm meant to be reading or something, but i don't feel much like doing that either.
Life used to be lifelike, now it's more like showbiz. i wake up in the night and i don't know where the bathroom is; and i don't know what town i'm in or what sky i'm under and i wake up in the night and i don't have the will anymore to wonder. and everyone has a skeleton and a closet to keep it in and you're mine.
I'm going to university in 16 days, i don't think i'm anywhere near old enough or responsible enough or mature enough for this sort of thing, not in the slightest. i'm also very worried that nobody will like me or that everybody will be skinny, ordinary and narrow minded - however i've heard that this is a common fear so hopefully it'll be okay. i just don't want to be stuck in a dorm/ on a course full of girls interested in diets and clubbing and Usher and hair products and waxing and sex. and i don't want to be stuck in a dorm/ on a course full of boys interested in clubbing and Usher and hair products and beer and sex.
what i DO want is people interested in ani difranco and horror films and late night frivolities and peep show and mash ups and bizarre coincidences and philosophical literature. you know, not to be to specific or anything. everything's a bit odd right now because i want to do things and start new things and change things... but i'm moving away in a bit so is there really any point to anything? and that makes me feel like i should be packing or reading what i'm meant to be reading or something, but i don't feel much like doing that either.
Life used to be lifelike, now it's more like showbiz. i wake up in the night and i don't know where the bathroom is; and i don't know what town i'm in or what sky i'm under and i wake up in the night and i don't have the will anymore to wonder. and everyone has a skeleton and a closet to keep it in and you're mine.
Monday, 26 July 2010
Go ahead, Go ahead and smash it on the floor. Take whatevers left and take it with you out the door. See if I cry, see if I shed a single sorry tear; I can't say that it's been that great - no, in fact it's been a wasted worried year. Everybody sees and everyone agrees that you and I are wrong, and it's been that way too long. Take it as it comes and be thankful when it's done; there's so many ways to act and there's so many shades of black. Let it all out, let it all out. Say what's on your mind; you can kick and scream and shout and say things that are so unkind. Yeah, see if i care. And see if I stand firm or if i fall, cause in the back of my mind and on the tip of my tongue is the answer to it all.
Monday, 12 July 2010
If you hate the taste of wine
Why do you drink it till you're blind?
And if you swear that there's no truth and who cares
How come you say it like you're right?
Why are you scared to dream of God
When it's salvation that you want?
You see stars that clear have been dead for years
But the idea just lives on...
In our wheels that roll around
As we move over the ground
And all day it seems we've been in between
A past and future town
We are nowhere and it's now
We are nowhere and it's now
And like a ten minute dream in the passenger's seat
While the world was flying by
I haven't been gone very long
But it feels like a lifetime
I've been sleeping so strange at night
Side effects they don't advertise
I've been sleeping so strange
With a head full of pesticide
I've got no plans and too much time
I feel too restless to unwind
I'm always lost in thought as I walk a block
To my favorite neon sign
Where the waitress looks concerned
But she never says a word
Just turns the jukebox on and we hum along
And I smile back at her
And my friend comes after work
When the features start to blur
She says these bars are filled with things that kill
By now you probably should have learned
Did you forget that yellow bird?
But how could you forget your yellow bird?
She took a small silver wreath and pinned it onto me
She said this one will bring you love
And I don't know if it's true
But I keep it for good luck
Why do you drink it till you're blind?
And if you swear that there's no truth and who cares
How come you say it like you're right?
Why are you scared to dream of God
When it's salvation that you want?
You see stars that clear have been dead for years
But the idea just lives on...
In our wheels that roll around
As we move over the ground
And all day it seems we've been in between
A past and future town
We are nowhere and it's now
We are nowhere and it's now
And like a ten minute dream in the passenger's seat
While the world was flying by
I haven't been gone very long
But it feels like a lifetime
I've been sleeping so strange at night
Side effects they don't advertise
I've been sleeping so strange
With a head full of pesticide
I've got no plans and too much time
I feel too restless to unwind
I'm always lost in thought as I walk a block
To my favorite neon sign
Where the waitress looks concerned
But she never says a word
Just turns the jukebox on and we hum along
And I smile back at her
And my friend comes after work
When the features start to blur
She says these bars are filled with things that kill
By now you probably should have learned
Did you forget that yellow bird?
But how could you forget your yellow bird?
She took a small silver wreath and pinned it onto me
She said this one will bring you love
And I don't know if it's true
But I keep it for good luck
Monday, 21 June 2010
Saturday, 19 June 2010
oh what you do to me, no one knows.
Friday, 18 June 2010
Thursday, 17 June 2010
i am cold, unfeeling and odd.
It'd be easy to sit here and wallow in hell
Or I could suck it up, get over myself
You see, all hearts are broken
It's no big deal, I've been hurt
But I'm sure you all know how that feels
We all go through it
So why do we do it again?
Is it even worth the awkward anger of trying to be friends?
This year will swallow me whole, it's taking its toll
Queen of horses mad with power, heads will roll
So tenderly you bleed me dry
And I, I collapse to the floor
I've been feeling surprisingly lonely these days
I guess substitutes have an aftertaste
And I hate you for making me feel I could easily be replaced
They say that the coffin can't confine the soul
I'm burying secrets you should've told
This is only a goal you want to achieve so you can be alone
So if I agree, I'm not trying to be mean
It's just cold hard facts
Spare me your sugar coats
Well I could've kept you warmer than that.
Or I could suck it up, get over myself
You see, all hearts are broken
It's no big deal, I've been hurt
But I'm sure you all know how that feels
We all go through it
So why do we do it again?
Is it even worth the awkward anger of trying to be friends?
This year will swallow me whole, it's taking its toll
Queen of horses mad with power, heads will roll
So tenderly you bleed me dry
And I, I collapse to the floor
I've been feeling surprisingly lonely these days
I guess substitutes have an aftertaste
And I hate you for making me feel I could easily be replaced
They say that the coffin can't confine the soul
I'm burying secrets you should've told
This is only a goal you want to achieve so you can be alone
So if I agree, I'm not trying to be mean
It's just cold hard facts
Spare me your sugar coats
Well I could've kept you warmer than that.
Wednesday, 16 June 2010
shit?
so i managed to use SCHADENFREUDE in my English A level exam the other day, my life is complete. on the other hand this now means i only have Geography left; i sat down earlier to revise and ended up crying for 20 minutes over the geopolitical tensions between Russia and the Ukraine over a gas pipeline. I kid you not.
yay:
1. Darwin Deez is playing at Reading
2. ADAM GREEN IS PLAYING AGAIN AT READING... seeing him in 2008 was one of the best moments of my life, ever.
3. Freelance Whales are playing at Reading
4. Yuck are playing at Reading
5. The Cheek (Cheeky Cheeky & The Nosebleeds) are playing at Reading
6. I had some chicken earlier
7. The weather was nice today
8. I have finished both Philosophy & Ethics and English A levels
9. In approximately two weeks I will be free of schooling, forever (except for potential gap yah and retakes but we don't mention this).
nay:
1. I have two Geography A2 exams within the space of two weeks, which are possibly the hardest things i've ever had to do in my life
2. I think i'm putting on weight
3. I've broken out in a delicious combination of stress acne and red dry patches of skin
4. It's Ascot week - the worst week of the year when you live in the area, srsly.
5. I'm craving Cat
6. I'm craving A cat, we haven't got another one yet and i need some pussy lovin' (eh)
7. my hair is neglected
yay:
1. Darwin Deez is playing at Reading
2. ADAM GREEN IS PLAYING AGAIN AT READING... seeing him in 2008 was one of the best moments of my life, ever.
3. Freelance Whales are playing at Reading
4. Yuck are playing at Reading
5. The Cheek (Cheeky Cheeky & The Nosebleeds) are playing at Reading
6. I had some chicken earlier
7. The weather was nice today
8. I have finished both Philosophy & Ethics and English A levels
9. In approximately two weeks I will be free of schooling, forever (except for potential gap yah and retakes but we don't mention this).
nay:
1. I have two Geography A2 exams within the space of two weeks, which are possibly the hardest things i've ever had to do in my life
2. I think i'm putting on weight
3. I've broken out in a delicious combination of stress acne and red dry patches of skin
4. It's Ascot week - the worst week of the year when you live in the area, srsly.
5. I'm craving Cat
6. I'm craving A cat, we haven't got another one yet and i need some pussy lovin' (eh)
7. my hair is neglected
Monday, 14 June 2010
i am frantically flailing, woozy inhaling these fumes that won't put me to sleep.
I like words.
1. flail - to move vigorously or erratically, to thrash about.
2. sporadic - recurring in scattered and irregular or unpredictable instances
3. prelapsarian - relating to the time before the Fall of Adam and Eve
4. antagonism - a state of deep seated ill will.
and my personal favourite
5. SCHADENFREUDE - enjoying the misery of others, taking delight in the misfortune of others.
1. flail - to move vigorously or erratically, to thrash about.
2. sporadic - recurring in scattered and irregular or unpredictable instances
3. prelapsarian - relating to the time before the Fall of Adam and Eve
4. antagonism - a state of deep seated ill will.
and my personal favourite
5. SCHADENFREUDE - enjoying the misery of others, taking delight in the misfortune of others.
Sunday, 13 June 2010
cause i'm not good at saying things, especially to you
Plans for the summer:
1. Get a job
2. Go and stay in a caravan somewhere lovely with Cat and her lovely jubbly friends
3. Go to at least one Gay Pride (preferably London or Brighton)
4. Go to London Zoo
5. Make approximately five/six bottles of skittles vodka with Sophia (one for every flavour)
6. Write a song with Katy and record a music video a la Julia Nunes 'Maybe I Will'
7. Dye my hair a ridiculous colour
8. Get another piercing
9. Buy more clothes/ shoes (serious, i don't have enough).
10. Sort out stuff/ pack for uni (ahh!)
11. Go to a strip club
12. Go to Camden numerous times
13. Go to Mandela Court with Sophia ;D aha
14. Blow shit up.
15. Go to Reading festival, see a shitload of bands and maintain a state of being fucked for the whole three days.
1. Get a job
2. Go and stay in a caravan somewhere lovely with Cat and her lovely jubbly friends
3. Go to at least one Gay Pride (preferably London or Brighton)
4. Go to London Zoo
5. Make approximately five/six bottles of skittles vodka with Sophia (one for every flavour)
6. Write a song with Katy and record a music video a la Julia Nunes 'Maybe I Will'
7. Dye my hair a ridiculous colour
8. Get another piercing
9. Buy more clothes/ shoes (serious, i don't have enough).
10. Sort out stuff/ pack for uni (ahh!)
11. Go to a strip club
12. Go to Camden numerous times
13. Go to Mandela Court with Sophia ;D aha
14. Blow shit up.
15. Go to Reading festival, see a shitload of bands and maintain a state of being fucked for the whole three days.
Saturday, 12 June 2010
Friday, 11 June 2010
Well the way you pull the fuzzys from my sweater
doesn't make up for the times you let me sink into the floor
and the lies you told to make me feel all better
they didn't work so please don't tell me anymore
I'm waking up to see the sun
it's a light that lets me know a new day's begun
and I can leave behind the terrors of my unconscious mind
into the sunshine
tell me this, why do you run away
just when I decided to say something true for once
you should try it, just say what you mean
cause I can't read the lines let alone in between
and I know my mellow tone can be misleading
but I've just put my anger to good use
you see I've given up on begging and pleading
every scratch on this guitar is because of you.
doesn't make up for the times you let me sink into the floor
and the lies you told to make me feel all better
they didn't work so please don't tell me anymore
I'm waking up to see the sun
it's a light that lets me know a new day's begun
and I can leave behind the terrors of my unconscious mind
into the sunshine
tell me this, why do you run away
just when I decided to say something true for once
you should try it, just say what you mean
cause I can't read the lines let alone in between
and I know my mellow tone can be misleading
but I've just put my anger to good use
you see I've given up on begging and pleading
every scratch on this guitar is because of you.
Thursday, 10 June 2010
32's still a godamn number, 32 still counts.
so despite parking in space number 32 at school and getting 32 pence change at the supermarket AND drinking a red bull which has 32mg of caffeine per 100ml, yesterday was shit.
yeah, revising from 9am to 6pm three days in a row can't be healthy for any human being. so today, despite the fact that my exam is TOMORROW, i'm gonna chill out a bit.
yeah, revising from 9am to 6pm three days in a row can't be healthy for any human being. so today, despite the fact that my exam is TOMORROW, i'm gonna chill out a bit.
Tuesday, 8 June 2010
some people think i'm bonkers, but i just think i'm free
a few more of the frivolities; as much as i complained about it, i godamn loved that school and i think we made a cracking exit :D
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